IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 modern world, a number of youngsters are using their mobile phones for several hours each day. I suppose it is not a positive breakthrough.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore why it is becoming commonplace and why it will have negative impacts on them in future.
Due to
Linking Words
 technological advances, the human lifestyle has been revolutionised and scions normally start using technology from an early age. An important case leading to
children
Use synonyms
’s addiction to
smartphones
Use synonyms
 is that most parents are dual-income nowadays and don’t have sufficient time for their offspring. Whenever their child which is mostly the only child, through a tantrum they will use their mobile phone as a pacifier. Another underlying reason for school
children
Use synonyms
 is they are forced to use
smartphones
Use synonyms
 for e-learning. The covid-19 pandemic lockdown is a clear indication that propels
children
Use synonyms
 to have their own digital phones which has a lot of attraction.
Therefore
Linking Words
, for the sake of some determining factor,
children
Use synonyms
’s life is tied to
this
Linking Words
 latest technology. Digitalization normally has a lot of pros and cons but it is totally clear that its drawbacks outweigh the benefits. Mental and physical health is a fundamental issue. Nowadays
children
Use synonyms
’s hobbies and entertainment are mostly playing online games which they had installed on their cellphones. Their physical activities have decreased and violent scenes in these games are not appropriate for their age.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it has severe effects on their eyesight.
According to
Linking Words
 scholars’ experiments, humans less blink
while
Linking Words
 they are using digital devices and it mostly leads to eye pressure.
For instance
Linking Words
, the statistics have shown that in Malaysia almost 70% of
children
Use synonyms
 from 7-12 have eye problems.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is very essential to establish standards in order to mitigate its side effect.
Such
Linking Words
 as limited daily hours’ time for using
smartphones
Use synonyms
, parents forcing
children
Use synonyms
 to rest after 20 minutes and so on. It is an incontestable fact that we cannot keep our offspring away from technology, but imposing certain restrictions and standards can be effective.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the variety of attractive mobile applications
also
Linking Words
 educational and social aspects have caused them to rise in using
smartphones
Use synonyms
 which have some important and somehow irreversible impacts on
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by eli.bakhshi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: