Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible argument on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

Some argue that spending leisure time with parents and siblings has a significant impact on our personalities which can help us feel peaceful and safe,
what
Correct word choice
and
show examples
I totally concur
with
Correct pronoun usage
thiswith
show examples
. Whilst some people have contradictory standpoints
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
spending time with various types of humans contributes to sharpening our characteristics. First and foremost, doing different activities during summer and days off strengthens family bonds and awards us self-confidence and trust that we need to have psychological balance and happy life as cutting-edge research presents that teenagers who used to have the majority of their
timing
Replace the word
time
show examples
with their families tend to be more successful and happier in their lives.
Furthermore
, if you spend more hours with members of your family older than you, you will expand your experience as a family always shows generosity. To make it clear, try to ask your mother or father how to do or to get something. They will tell you every possible way.
On the other hand
, those who want to have more hours outside with friends and new people have their excuses. It doesn’t necessarily have the same interests as your family. You may like to go to parties and meet new ones
while
your family prefer to sit at home and watch a movie. Various societies may teach you new skills, and new vision and even add to your life experience a lot.
In addition
, it makes you independent which is essential these days.
To sum up
, being with your family part-time during vacations plays a pivotal role in our life. It can make us more mature and sober.
Whereas
enjoying with peers can be more interesting and challenging.
Submitted by alasfar.maram on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: