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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below shows how electricity is generated in a hydroelectric power station.

The diagram below shows how electricity is generated in a hydroelectric power station.
#electricity #power #station
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The diagram illustrates the
process
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 that how to make
electricity
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 in a hydroelectric power station.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that the
process
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 is to manufacture
electricity
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 in a hydroelectric power station. It is a multistage cyclical
process
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. The
process
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is began
Change the verb form
begins
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 with two stages
such
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 as
day
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 and night. In the
day
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, the river's
water
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 flow is turned into generator
electricity
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 at night the
low
Add a hyphen
low-level
show examples
level
Use synonyms
reservoir
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's
water
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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comes back to the
higher
Add a hyphen
higher-level
show examples
level
Use synonyms
reservoir
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. In the
Use synonyms
day time
Correct your spelling
daytime
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, the river
water
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 is going to the
high
Add a hyphen
high-level
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level
Use synonyms
reservoir
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. The dam helps the river
water
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 to reach the reversible turbines from
Add an article
the high
a high
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high
Add a hyphen
high-level
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level
Use synonyms
reservoir
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. The generator
is operated
Change the verb form
has operated
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 the
electricity
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 which
is get
Change the verb form
is got
is getting
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 from the flow of
water
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. The
electricity
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 is turned into the national grid through the power line and the excessive
water
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then
Linking Words
 is going to
low
Add a hyphen
low-level
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level
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reservoir
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, at night time the
low
Add a hyphen
low-level
show examples
level
Use synonyms
 reservoirs
water
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 comes back again to the
high
Add a hyphen
high-level
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level
Use synonyms
reservoir
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 through the pumping.
Then
Linking Words
 the
process
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 begins again in the
day
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 period.
Submitted by opshorajhumpa2001 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words process, electricity, day, water, level, reservoir with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Reservoir
  • Penstock
  • Turbine
  • Generator
  • Transformer
  • High voltage
  • Renewable energy
  • Kinetic energy
  • Potential energy
  • Power grid
  • Sustainable
  • Flow rate
  • Energy conversion
  • Hydraulic pressure
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