For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
people
wish to earn Use synonyms
money
. Use synonyms
However
,for many Linking Words
people
, working hard for Use synonyms
earnings
Correct your spelling
earning
money
is not the main cause. I absolutely disagree with Use synonyms
this
argument because other than Linking Words
money
there Use synonyms
were
other reasons for Wrong verb form
are
which
Correct word choice
why
people
Use synonyms
work
hard and the following paragraphs express my view .
Use synonyms
To begin
with, there are many reasons why Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
work
diligently. First and foremost, Use synonyms
people
tend to Use synonyms
work
potently and as Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a result
result
they will be benefited Add a comma
result,
by
rewards Change preposition
from
such
as Linking Words
stimulates
, employees of the month, which boast them Replace the word
stimulation
furthermore
to Linking Words
work
hard . Use synonyms
In addition
, Linking Words
this
may help other team members to Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
enthusiastic
and Change the word
enthusiastically
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
work
.
Use synonyms
On the other
Linking Words
hand
many of them Add a comma
hand,
work
hard Use synonyms
for obtaining
Change preposition
to obtain
better
quality of life. Add an article
a better
For
Linking Words
instance
in Add a comma
instance,
this
modern age emptiness are not reasonable. Linking Words
As a result
every individual should Linking Words
are working
hard to achieve their desire. Wrong verb form
work
Such
as living in modern houses, Linking Words
buying
new cars. Some Correct word choice
and buying
people
Use synonyms
starting
ownWrong verb form
start their
business
when they have enough Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
money
. Use synonyms
For
Linking Words
instance
they do not want to be alone and Add a comma
instance,
such
Linking Words
as
friends, Change preposition
apply
communication
Correct word choice
and communication
people
Use synonyms
work
. Use synonyms
In
Linking Words
addition
a teacher Add a comma
addition,
put
in long hours preparing Wrong verb form
puts
lesson
because they are deeply committed to their students' education. Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
People
may Use synonyms
work
hard because of a sense of responsibility.Working hard because they want to make Use synonyms
positive
in the world. Some Correct article usage
a positive
people
get attention from Use synonyms
people
and get respect from Use synonyms
community
, Add an article
the community
secondly
, they are getting Linking Words
reputation
from their community.
Correct article usage
a reputation
To sum up
, Linking Words
work
hard for Use synonyms
enthusiastic
and satisfaction. I guess Replace the word
enthusiasm
money
is part of our lives.Use synonyms
Submitted by omondavlat91 on
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Overall
Your essay demonstrates some understanding of the task but lacks coherence and cohesion. You need to structure your ideas more clearly and provide relevant examples to support your points.