IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that mobile phone is destroying social interaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #phone #interaction
Many consider that cell phones are affecting in negative ways
such
 as social communication.
This
 essay partially agrees with
this
 statement, because it has some benefits
such
 as staying in touch with families and friends wherever a person is, and at the same
time
 it can be a dangerous distraction in social life. It is obvious that digital phones are the most popular gadgets in today's world. It helps people keep in touch with their relatives and colleagues wherever they are within the second now. To illustrate, the previous generation could not have
such
 kind of opportunity when they wanted to tell or text something to another one.
In addition
, the users can surf the Internet to search for information to do homework from school.
On the other hand
, because of its development, if not used properly with
time
 limits, its waves are damaging our brains.
For instance
, every person who has a telephone is wasting his
time
 approximately 8-10 hours a day, they use it when they lie, eat, and even before sleep.
Besides
, using a phone
while
 driving reduces the driver's concentration which might lead to some car accidents.
Above all
, nowadays parents give iPads to their children rather than spending
time
 with them playing interactive games.
For instance
, a recent survey by the Korean Government found that a child who plays on cell telephones is more likely to not speak until the age of 4 or 5. In conclusion, despite the fact that phones make life easier to communicate, I agree with the statement that the destruction of it definitely outweighs its positive aspects.
Submitted by omarovaa.access on

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structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should explicitly state your position on the topic. Each paragraph in the body should contain one main idea with supporting details and examples. The conclusion should effectively summarize your points without introducing new information.
paragraphing
Improve the structure of your paragraphs and the transitions between them to make the progression of ideas clearer. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence.
development
Develop your main points with more detailed and varied sentences. Use a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and to present a more nuanced argument. Aim to provide specific examples that effectively support your main points.
task response
For a higher score in task response, make sure to address all parts of the task. Provide a balanced view if you partially agree. The extent of your agreement or disagreement should be clear, and your argument should be consistent and developed throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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