IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In recent years, sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit, raising the profit of sports, but for others, it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#years #sports #stars #benefit #profit #influence
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days athletes' fame has proliferated and
also
Linking Words
 they are much wealthier than in the past. Partly being in
such
Linking Words
 high status is beneficial, as it helps with getting more attention on the sport as well, but for others may have some disadvantages because they feel some threat to their privacy. I am
strongly
Replace the adverb
strong
show examples
 of the opinion that
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is positive
overall
Linking Words
, so in order to be more explicit, consider both views.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, sports persons especially the most famous ones, are role models for youngsters,
thus
Linking Words
 they should be apparent in society as successful people so that, parents would be willing to encourage their offspring to the sports fields. For those children themselves, having a suitable ambitious, happy, and rich hero is essential to lead them to the right way toward success.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, those athletes may feel they have less space to live their own life, as they should be always flawless and perfect like a super
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, human beings even the most qualified ones have some dark shades with them, and well-known people sometimes are worried to reveal those.
Although
Linking Words
 they may miss ordinary life, they had chosen the opposite path previously. Having considered two perspectives, I am convinced that the stardom of sports bodies not only is not a negative thing but hugely positive in many aspects of which society,
as well as
Linking Words
 themselves, are beneficiaries.
Although
Linking Words
, as I mentioned some sportsmen and sportswomen may miss some aspects of unknown life, the affluence brought about by fame can make up for
this
Linking Words
 feeling!
Submitted by zahraghiyasvand69 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: