IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Some people think governments should focus the spending only on public services rather than wasting money on arts (music, painting, etc.). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is argued that government expenditure should be allocated towards services that benefit citizens
instead
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 of being spent on creative projects. I partly agree with
this
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 statement because art is important and can attract tourists;
however
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, I believe that public amenities should receive a larger share of the country's budget
due to
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 their greater impact on the community.
Body paragraph 1
Encouraging creativity by investing in the arts can attract more visitors to a country. Many travellers visit destinations to explore art museums, attend musical concerts, or admire unique architectural landmarks.
Therefore
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, allocating a budget to the arts would not only support artists and musicians but
also
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 benefit the wider community by increasing tourism revenue and,
consequently
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, the country’s GDP.
For example
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, millions of travellers visit Paris and Vienna each year to explore their numerous art museums, which are supported by the French and Austrian governments. During their visits, travellers stay in hotels, dine at local restaurants and cafés, and shop at local businesses, ultimately contributing to the local economy.
Body paragraph 2
Nonetheless
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, spending on public services should be a priority for governments. I believe that investing in healthcare, education, infrastructure and public safety provides greater benefits to society, as a healthy, educated and prosperous population can enhance a country’s international image and
overall
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 development.
Moreover
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, beautiful scenery and cultural activities cannot compensate for poor infrastructure and inadequate public amenities , which may increase crime rates, create health concerns and discourage travelling individuals from visiting.
For instance
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, some visitors may be reluctant to visit India because of concerns about poor infrastructure and inadequate public amenities, despite the country’s rich musical traditions and distinctive artistic culture.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 allocating money towards the arts is important, I believe that the government should allot a greater proportion of its expenditure to civic services
due to
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 their higher benefit to the local society and the country's international reputation.

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task response
Your view is clear: art should get some money, but public services should get more. To make this even stronger, say more clearly why art money should not be cut fully, such as its role in culture and in the lives of local people.
task response
Your main ideas are well explained and the examples fit. Be careful with broad claims about a whole country. The point about India may sound too general. Use a less wide example, or say that conditions can be different in different places.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: introduction, art, public services, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are clear. You use words such as 'Therefore', 'Nonetheless', and 'Moreover' well. Try not to use too many long sentences with several ideas; split some of them to make the writing even easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key terms the same where possible. For example, choose one main term, such as 'public services', instead of moving between 'public amenities', 'civic services', and 'public services' too often.
task response
You answer the full question and keep the same balanced view from the start to the end.
task response
The Paris and Vienna example clearly shows how art can bring visitors, jobs, and money to local areas.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one clear main point, followed by reasons and an example.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion restates your position directly and matches the ideas in the body paragraphs.
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