Some people think parents should supervise their children's activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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While

Linking Words

it is commonly thought

Use synonyms

kids’

Correct word choice

that kids’

show examples

activities should be supervised carefully by

parents

Use synonyms

, others believe

kids

Use synonyms

deserve more freedom. I’m going to discuss these opposing points of view. On the one hand, it is argued that

parents

Use synonyms

have to observe and watch out

their

Change preposition

for their

show examples

children

Use synonyms

. The main reason is that every

behaviors

Fix the agreement mistake

behaviour

show examples

from

kids

Use synonyms

can be managed by adults .It is

also

Linking Words

possible to say that

parents

Use synonyms

see how their

kids

Use synonyms

do an activity

obviously

Punctuation problem

, obviously

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

They

Fix capitalization

they

show examples

can fix bad

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

immediately or reward when the kid

did

Wrong verb form

does

show examples

well . It leads to the fact that the has child

the

Verb problem

requires

show examples

well-rounded maturity from an educational process of being accompanied .

For example

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

know how to say “sorry” when

Use synonyms

parents

Correct determiner usage

their parents

show examples

point

their

Verb problem

out their

show examples

mistakes.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, it is strongly believed by others that

children

Use synonyms

should have spare time by

themselve

Correct your spelling

themselves

. People often have

this

Linking Words

opinion because they believe

children

Use synonyms

feel

freely

Correct word choice

free and

show examples

comfortable when they have their own freedom. A second point is that they prefer to leave the kid

handle

Verb problem

to handle

show examples

the problem

self-conciously

Correct your spelling

self-consciously

and

recognize

Change the spelling

recognise

show examples

the lesson from that .

For example

Linking Words

kids

Use synonyms

know how to stand up without any help after falls. In conclusion, it is commonly thought that

parents

Use synonyms

have a responsibility to supervise their

Use synonyms

children

Check wording

children's

show examples

activities

Punctuation problem

;

show examples

meanwhile, others assume that

children

Use synonyms

should have their freedom and privacy without adults .Personally, I tend to believe that

parents

Use synonyms

should manage their young

children

Use synonyms

to educate them into a well-behaved kid at first. Gradually, let your

children

Use synonyms

solve problems individually when they are alone.

yeshomeclass

Mar 27, 2023

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task response

Answer both sides more fully. Your view is clear, but each side needs a bit more detail.

task response

Use more clear main ideas in each body part. Some ideas are hard to follow.

task response

Give examples with more detail so they feel more real and strong.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. This is good.

coherence and cohesion

Link ideas more smoothly. Some lines feel broken or not natural.

coherence and cohesion

Check word order and sentence form, because some parts make the meaning unclear.

task response

You discuss both views and give your opinion.

coherence and cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are both present.

coherence and cohesion

You use paragraphing well with one idea for each part.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

254 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

watch
guide
limit
allow
freedom
safety
risk
trust
rule
choice
decision
child
parent
home
school
time
study
help
grow
plan
talk
listen
explain
reason
calm
respect
mature
age
family
future
example
balance

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In many countries people have to pay for medical care, but some think that it should be a free service provided by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many feel that going to the gym is the best way to stay it. Others think there are more effective methods. Discuss both view and give you own opinion.