IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

EXPERTS SAY IF OLDER PEOPLE SPEND THEIR TIME WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND EXERCISE DAILY THEIR LIVES WILL BE HAPPIER AND HEALTHIER. HOWEVER MANY ELDERLY ARE SUFFERING FROM LACK OF FITNESS. DISCUSS CAUSE AND SOLUTION.

#experts #people #time #exercise #lives #lack #fitness
Some
people
 believe that old folks increase their social interaction and work out every day leading to their lives will be happier and healthier.
Therefore
, most
people
 don'
t
 use their time much to exercise.
This
 essay will try to identify the reasons behind
this
 and suggest some solutions to solve. There can be several causes behind
this
 trend.
First,
when
people
 are getting older it makes them very hard in their moving.
Thus
, they don'
t
 want to get moved into their bed.
Besides
 that, members of the family don'
t
 look after them much and haven'
t
 talked with them
due to
 taking care of their subfamily.
Second,
They don'
t
 have many
friends
 to talk with each other. In fact, they feel alone and day by day they just walk around the house leading to their
life is
Wrong verb form
lives
show examples
 not happier. There can be some solutions to these issues.
First,
the government have a strategy to create sociality class for them. They will have to announce the benefits when the older workout and make them
acknowledgement
Replace the word
acknowledge
show examples
this
.
Moreover
, they will have many
friends
 when they
involve
Wrong verb form
are involved
show examples
 in the class. It will help them to make new
friends
 and share activities together leading to their mental health will be happy and removing the negative things in their minds. They will no longer to alone
as a result
 from having many
friends
.
To conclude
, older
people
 lead a sedentary and isolated lifestyle mainly
due to
 age-related ailments that restrict their movement. In my point of view, they can solve these problems by joining sociality classes.
Submitted by nguyenhungvy090499 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all parts of the essay question are fully addressed and supported with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow and organization of ideas to enhance coherence.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary and use more precise and appropriate words.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and use more complex grammatical structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: