IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people these days rely on traditional medicines rather than going to doctors. What are the causes? Is this a positive or negative development?

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Despite the huge development of medicine which has been going on during the
last
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 decades, many
people
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 still do not
trust
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 it.
Such
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people
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 prefer to use traditional medicines than go to the doctor. Their behaviour may be caused by fear
as well as
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 the lack of
trust
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 in science and constitutes an example of negative development. Many
people
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 do not
trust
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 the science.
As a result
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, they are scared to use new forms of drugs or medical treatment which they believe can have a negative impact on their health. A great example of
such
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people
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are
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is
show examples
 the anti-vaccine campaigners who claim that a vaccination can lead to either death or serious harm.
Therefore
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, they are trying to avoid professional medicines in favour of the traditional ones made of natural ingredients which, unfortunately, are less effective. A lack of
trust
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 in professional medicines is a serious problem in the nowadays world. The
people
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 who refuse specialised treatment constitute a threat to both themselves and the rest of society. To illustrate
this
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, I will use an example of the propaganda of anti-vaccine campaigners that have been
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the fore during the pandemic of COVID-19. Many
people
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 refuse to get vaccinated,
consequently
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, not only endangering their lives but
also
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 others. In conclusion, the most significant causes of using traditional medicine are the lack of
trust
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 in science
as well as
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 the fear of the new forms of drugs.
Such
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 behaviour constitutes a serious threat to the whole society as it may endanger
people
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 like during the pandemic of COVID-19.

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task achievement
While your essay addresses the topic and covers some key reasons why people may prefer traditional medicines, it would benefit from a more detailed discussion of whether this development is positive or negative.
task achievement
Ensure that every main point is supported with sufficient evidence or examples. For instance, elaborating more deeply on your examples related to anti-vaccine campaigners can provide stronger support to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure with distinct paragraphs. However, make sure every paragraph flows smoothly from one to the next with appropriate transitions.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly introduce each main idea at the beginning of the paragraph and use concluding sentences to tie them back to the main argument. This will improve the overall clarity and cohesion of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and sets up the argument effectively.
relevant specific examples
Your use of examples, such as the anti-vaccine campaigners during the COVID-19 pandemic, adds relevance and specificity to your essay.
logical structure
The essay is well-structured with a logical flow of ideas, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Natural remedies
  • Cost-effective
  • Medical skepticism
  • Adverse side effects
  • Pharmaceutical companies
  • Accessibility
  • Rural regions
  • Anecdotal success stories
  • Holistic approach
  • Treat the root cause
  • Conventional medicine
  • Traditional practices
  • Economic factors
  • Trust and belief systems
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