For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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It's true that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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many
people
Use synonyms
commonly believe that, one of the keys to earning more
money
Use synonyms
is working harder. In
this
Linking Words
essay
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essay,
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I will examine why I
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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disagreed with giving
statement
Correct article usage
a statement
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.
To begin
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with, it's undeniable that, many individuals
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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believe and appreciate that, the only way to become rich is
work
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to work
working
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harder than others.
However
Linking Words
, they are trying to find lucrative
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
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for their goods, which are bought cozy house and a nice car.
Linking Words
Whereas
Correct word choice
However
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, they still do not understand
yet
Rephrase
apply
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that they have numerous ways to acquire well salary. As an example, my uncle is a successful programmer, and who is earning a lot of
money
Use synonyms
without working hard.
In addition
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, he
is
Verb problem
has
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not graduated from school with
well
Change the adverb
good
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marks.
Nevertheless
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, he is living
really
Correct article usage
a really
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remarkable atmosphere with
him
Correct pronoun usage
his
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family, and once a month, he
is going
Wrong verb form
goes
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to
the
Correct article usage
a
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foreign country
for enjoying
Change preposition
to enjoy
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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life.
On the other hand
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, as I mentioned before, for earn well wage,
required
Wrong verb form
requires
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from
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apply
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people
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only approach with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clarity, and generate unique ideas
to
Change preposition
for
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this
Linking Words
issue.
It is clear that
Linking Words
, in modern eras, there is
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a diversity
job
Change preposition
of job
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choices for
people
Use synonyms
. To quote from, the best way to earn more
money
Use synonyms
is from the internet.
This
Linking Words
is because, it is undeniable that, the stock investment rapidly increase within
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
five year over the world, and as an
example
Add a comma
example,
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many
people
Use synonyms
considering
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
that, it is possible
landing
Wrong verb form
to land
show examples
a lucrative job
from
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media. In conclusion, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
will understand very soon that there is a different way of making
money
Use synonyms
without any difficulties. I recommend
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if
Correct word choice
that
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they approach with clarity.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position and outlines your main points. Additionally, provide a conclusion that summarizes your arguments and restates your position.
task achievement
Your essay should directly address the prompt and clearly express your opinion. Ensure that you develop clear and comprehensive ideas that are relevant to the topic. Use specific examples to support your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
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