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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many people prefer to stay in the same type of work all their lives, while others prefer to change the type of work they do. Discuss both these preferences and give your own opinion.

#people #type #work #lives #change #preferences
Many
people
 want to stay in the same
type
 of
work
 all their lives,
while
 others want to change their
professions
. I personally believe that
while
 staying in the same
type
 of
work
 provides comfort, changing the
type
 of
work
 provides someone with professional
development
. Those
people
 who love to stay in the same
type
 of
work
 can stay in their comfort zone. They become experts doing the same kind of
work
 every day, and they become confident about their performance at their
workplace
. They do not have to worry about their performance at their
workplace
.
For example
, in Bangladesh, many
people
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their 40s and 50s stay in teaching
professions
 at secondary schools for many years and they are not interested in changing their
professions
. They do not have to worry about their performance because they are quite confident about it.
However
, I personally believe that
work
 should provide some challenges which
initiates
Change the verb form
initiate
show examples
 professional
development
. If someone changes their
workplace
 it will provide them with professional
development
. Those who change their
workplace
 have to deal with numerous changes
such
 as a new environment, new responsibilities and new challenges. These changes help them to grow as a professional and explore new opportunities.
For example
, in Australia, especially young
people
 have the tendency
of changing
Change preposition
to change
show examples
 their
professions
 every year and they do it because they prioritize professional
development
 and new opportunities.
Therefore
, I personally believe that changing
profession
Fix the agreement mistake
professions
show examples
 after a certain period of time is necessary for professional
development
. In conclusion,
while
 staying in the same profession offers comfort I believe that
people
 should change their
professions
 for professional growth.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on the points with additional examples to better support each argument, which will enhance the depth of your task response.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve transitions between paragraphs to ensure a seamless flow of ideas and arguments throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents both perspectives on the topic and provides a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements well.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are well-structured, which frames the essay in a coherent manner.
task achievement
Use of specific examples from Bangladesh and Australia helps underline the arguments effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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