IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #cities #health
Nowadays, there are many
people
 who want to move to an urban city from a rural area in order to explore the possibility of their future success.
On the other hand
, some
people
 have a negative
thought
Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
show examples
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 living in urban
cities
 in terms of
health
 conditions. I understand why they think that way, because the more
people
, the higher the death rates.
However
, I personally think the environments in big
cities
 may not affect
people
's
health
 in bad ways. First of all, some major serious diseases
such
 as diabetes and cancers have been increased not so much by the size of
cities
, but by the change of lifestyle.
For example
, western food has been getting more and more popular in Japan and
that is
 related to the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 diabetics.
Therefore
, it can not be said that the density of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 is connected with lifespans.
Secondly
, there are more exercise facilities like fitness gyms and yoga studios in urban
cities
 compared to rural areas. That environment provides
people
 with more opportunities to think about their
health
.
In addition
 to
this
, many large events are hosted by big
cities
.
For instance
, marathon events take place every year and a lot of
people
 from all over the world participate in those events. In conclusion, some
people
 are worried about how much big
cities
 influence our
health
 but I would say that the size of
cities
 does not matter and if anything, there is more attention to
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
people
 healthy in big
cities
.
Submitted by nanamach87 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory problems
  • population density
  • stress levels
  • mental health issues
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • healthcare facilities
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • psychological well-being
  • recreational areas
  • social networks
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