IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest?

#criminals #crimes #prison
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Nowadays, many citizens who finished serving
out
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apply
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their sentences in a prison can not able to
staying
Change the form of the verb
stay
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 on a
law abiding
Add a hyphen
law-abiding
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 path when they were released from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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jail. There would be some reasons why
this
Linking Words
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
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 and for consequences do not tend to be highly negative for society ,
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government
Add an article
the government
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 have to solve these problems. The first reason
of
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apply
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people
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 commit crimes again is that after serving their sentence , they may stay
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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unemployed. They can not find jobs because
of
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apply
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they are hardened criminals. They are forced to continue illegal activities for
living
Correct article usage
a living
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 and
making
Wrong verb form
make
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 money
through
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by
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 finding their old accomplices during employers are not wanting to risk their reputation and property by employing former criminals. Soaring crime rates are even higher for
people
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 who suffer from both mental illness and substance abuse. Because they have lived in a prison where full of acts of mindless vandalism. In custody , there are
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 who commit petty crimes
are
Correct word choice
and are
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 kept with other serious offenders or
people
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 who are likely to have good
behavior
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behaviour
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 where all prisoners learn to effectuate criminal acts from each other. These offenders are more likely to commit new
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
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 as they are released
and
Correct word choice
which
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Correct pronoun usage
this
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has
Correct article usage
a
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negative influence
to
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on
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 their lifestyle. If
government
Use synonyms
 allow
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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after
releasing
Replace the word
release
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 from custody to provide adequate treatment may well contribute to
psychiatrist
Replace the word
psychiatric
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 issues and social isolation that lead to
criminals
Change the noun form
criminal
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 acts. The
government
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 have to create stuff for
people
Use synonyms
 serving out their sentences
while
Linking Words
 designing programs on TV that correlated with respect between
people
Use synonyms
 and offenders. In conclusion, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
further
Linking Words
 crimes
are
Wrong verb form
being
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 frequency situations there are some possible problems
government
Use synonyms
 can solve .
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Reintegrate
  • Social stigma
  • Recidivism
  • Criminal records
  • Ex-offender
  • Associations
  • Comprehensive
  • Workforce
  • Mentoring
  • Incentivize
  • Stigmatize
  • Subsidies
  • Legitimate
What to do next:
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