IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time
Children
 are unstable little people, which
some time
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 do
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
 or wrong
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
. But their
chilhood
Correct your spelling
childhood
compose
Correct subject-verb agreement
composes
show examples
 some part of
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
. And
in
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 depends
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 what step of their
life
 now,
depend
Add the preposition
ondepend
show examples
 what
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 do in any given situation. When we
born
Add a missing verb
are born
show examples
, we grow up and get
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experience, which
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 us in any
life
 situation.
Children
 can get
activities
occupied
Change the verb form
to occupy
show examples
 themselves on their own, and the second variant they are encouraged to take part in
organised
Add an article
the organised
an organised
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 in their free time.
First
Change the article
The first
show examples
 version will
be provide
Change the verb form
be provided
show examples
 if the
children
 aren’t motivated
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 spend their time with some proper
activities
 like sport or art, maybe
simple
Change the word
simply
show examples
 they don’t know what they want. And parents encourage
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 for
activity
Add an article
an activity
the activity
show examples
 or suggest a
choice
 if
hey
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 haven’t
experience
Change the verb form
experienced
show examples
 and don’t know what they want.
Second
Change the article
The second
show examples
 version is better, because
children
 know about their
wish
Fix the agreement mistake
wishes
show examples
, and could get a
choice
. It
rather
Add a missing verb
is rather
show examples
 since they do
choice
Replace the word
choose
show examples
 themselves, and could do what they want. And the finish the result is better
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
activities
if
Correct word choice
that
show examples
children
 don’t want to do. In my opinion, the best way
if
Add a missing verb
is if
show examples
children
motivated
Add a missing verb
are motivated
show examples
 by the style of
life
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 family.
For example
, if the parents do a sport regularly, the child will grow
with
Change preposition
up with
show examples
wish
Add an article
the wish
a wish
show examples
 of doing sport, and it will be necessary for him. If you want your
cildren
Correct your spelling
children
be
Add the particle
to be
show examples
 a motivated and active
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
, you will work hard
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
, and do a lot of
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
 in your
had
Correct your spelling
head
show examples
 and
life
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
first. After that child
absorb
Correct subject-verb agreement
absorbs
show examples
 your family approach, and start
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
activities
 too
Submitted by illia.gaponiuk on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
What to do next:
Look at other essays: