IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us buy things. Other people think that is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is often said that advertisements have significant power to persuade individuals
at buying
Change preposition
to buy
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 things or investigate.
However
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,
this
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 issue is not entirely straightforward, and arguments can
also
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 be made against the opinion.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides of the view, and give a concluding view. On the one hand, those who claim that advertising has a notable influence on people’s shopping cite the various results in social media and TV programs.
For example
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,
according to
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 research in North America, results show that people mostly tend to buy foodstuffs that we saw in promotions on TV shows rather than other brands. It
also
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 demonstrated that individuals foremost attained known goods
instead
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 of unknown goods. Thereby, it affects society's appetite to choose some goods,
such
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 as stuff and, appliances which have public promotions.
By contrast
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, opponents of
this
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 view point out that the tremendous publicities in social media become irritating and that’s the main cause of the fall of social attention to them. It means that people are exhausted from advertisements in everyday life when they receive a huge number of advertising notifications in their mailboxes. To give an example, a survey, observed that individuals deleted many of the promotional notifications in their cellphones or email boxes without reading them.
Consequently
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, companies and factories find out that
this
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 is an outdated method that has contrary effects on their customers.
To conclude
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, it seems practical to consider an advertisement as
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 motivation for people to shop, but in a controlled number. In my opinion, it has both negative and positive effects on the
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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 of society.
Therefore
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, I sometimes find their fulfilment and sometimes annoying.

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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of the task, but the response could be more fully developed. The main points are present, but they need to be expanded with more detail to deepen the analysis and to better address all parts of the task.
coherence cohesion
While there is a basic logical structure, your essay can be improved by better organizing your ideas, making clear paragraph divisions, and by using a varied range of cohesive devices to more effectively link your ideas and paragraphs together.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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