People nowadays spend their free time less actively than in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

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Over the years,
people
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have changed the way of
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
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their free
time
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.
Someone
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Some
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argues
Correct subject-verb agreement
argue
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about the loss of using leisure
time
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actively rather than in the past;
by contrast
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, others believe that there are new kinds and new ways of spending their free
time
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. On one hand, society has taken out the ability to spend their free
time
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useful: the main issue argues around the development of technologies, in which
people
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lose most of their
time
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on social media.
For instance
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, nowadays teenagers and children are more likely to watch TV rather than go out with their peers and do sports activities.
Moreover
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,
people
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are framed in
this
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vicious circle and they are unable to understand themselves and their passions, in fact, today fewer
people
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have hobbies.
On the other hand
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,
people
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do not spend their free
time
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less actively but they come up with new ways of using
this
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time
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.
Due to
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globalization, hobbies
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
changed and are increased, and the improvement of technology allows
people
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to grow up other hobbies and other passions.
For instance
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, teenagers have more interest in movies, music, and social media and
this
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kind of leisure activity could be done everywhere. In conclusion, I agree with the lack of spending free
time
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actively, and mostly with the issue that
people
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have fewer passions, as they do not know themselves. Schools and government should improve sports activities as
people
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could have both social and health benefits.
Submitted by musiccofrancesca250100 on

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task response
The task response is somewhat lacking in depth and could benefit from a more detailed exploration of ideas. The argument could be further developed to include a more balanced discussion of both sides of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
The coherence and cohesion of the essay would benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion. Additionally, the logical structure of the essay could be improved by using more cohesive devices to connect ideas and create a stronger sense of progression throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • streaming movies
  • browsing social media
  • playing video games
  • digital entertainment
  • active pursuits
  • resurgence of interest
  • fitness trends
  • outdoor adventures
  • group sports
  • perception of time
  • connectivity requirements
  • passive activities
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