IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People nowadays spend their free time less actively than in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Over the years,
people
Use synonyms
 have changed the way of
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 their free
time
Use synonyms
.
Someone
Correct your spelling
Some
show examples
argues
Correct subject-verb agreement
argue
show examples
 about the loss of using leisure
time
Use synonyms
 actively rather than in the past;
by contrast
Linking Words
, others believe that there are new kinds and new ways of spending their free
time
Use synonyms
. On one hand, society has taken out the ability to spend their free
time
Use synonyms
 useful: the main issue argues around the development of technologies, in which
people
Use synonyms
 lose most of their
time
Use synonyms
 on social media.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays teenagers and children are more likely to watch TV rather than go out with their peers and do sports activities.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are framed in
this
Linking Words
 vicious circle and they are unable to understand themselves and their passions, in fact, today fewer
people
Use synonyms
 have hobbies.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 do not spend their free
time
Use synonyms
 less actively but they come up with new ways of using
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
 globalization, hobbies
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 changed and are increased, and the improvement of technology allows
people
Use synonyms
 to grow up other hobbies and other passions.
For instance
Linking Words
, teenagers have more interest in movies, music, and social media and
this
Linking Words
 kind of leisure activity could be done everywhere. In conclusion, I agree with the lack of spending free
time
Use synonyms
 actively, and mostly with the issue that
people
Use synonyms
 have fewer passions, as they do not know themselves. Schools and government should improve sports activities as
people
Use synonyms
 could have both social and health benefits.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The task response is somewhat lacking in depth and could benefit from a more detailed exploration of ideas. The argument could be further developed to include a more balanced discussion of both sides of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
The coherence and cohesion of the essay would benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion. Additionally, the logical structure of the essay could be improved by using more cohesive devices to connect ideas and create a stronger sense of progression throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • streaming movies
  • browsing social media
  • playing video games
  • digital entertainment
  • active pursuits
  • resurgence of interest
  • fitness trends
  • outdoor adventures
  • group sports
  • perception of time
  • connectivity requirements
  • passive activities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: