People nowadays spend their free time less actively than in the past. Do you agree or disagree?
Over the years,
people
have changed the way of spending
their free Wrong verb form
spend
time
. Someone
Correct your spelling
Some
argues
about the loss of using leisure Correct subject-verb agreement
argue
time
actively rather than in the past; by contrast
, others believe that there are new kinds and new ways of spending their free time
.
On one hand, society has taken out the ability to spend their free time
useful: the main issue argues around the development of technologies, in which people
lose most of their time
on social media. For instance
, nowadays teenagers and children are more likely to watch TV rather than go out with their peers and do sports activities. Moreover
, people
are framed in this
vicious circle and they are unable to understand themselves and their passions, in fact, today fewer people
have hobbies.
On the other hand
, people
do not spend their free time
less actively but they come up with new ways of using this
time
. Due to
globalization, hobbies are
changed and are increased, and the improvement of technology allows Verb problem
have
people
to grow up other hobbies and other passions. For instance
, teenagers have more interest in movies, music, and social media and this
kind of leisure activity could be done everywhere.
In conclusion, I agree with the lack of spending free time
actively, and mostly with the issue that people
have fewer passions, as they do not know themselves. Schools and government should improve sports activities as people
could have both social and health benefits.Submitted by musiccofrancesca250100 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
The task response is somewhat lacking in depth and could benefit from a more detailed exploration of ideas. The argument could be further developed to include a more balanced discussion of both sides of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
The coherence and cohesion of the essay would benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion. Additionally, the logical structure of the essay could be improved by using more cohesive devices to connect ideas and create a stronger sense of progression throughout the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!