Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others think that people cannot expect to enjoy a job and having a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some

employees

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consider

job

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satisfaction as the crucial thing that should be pursued,

while

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others are more concerned about

job

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security. There are two contrasting views regarding

this

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which we will discuss here. On the one side, the opponents of

this

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view propose that nowadays

employees

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are inclined to look for a flexible

job

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. It is probably true because a freelancer would feel fiercely contending to do their profession and more likely to have a high performance.

In addition

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, a more autonomous

job

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which is not

forcing

Wrong verb form

force

show examples

them to have office hours would lead

workers

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to have a work-life balance.

Accordingly

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, it could be said that

job

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satisfaction will

also

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lessen the probability of mental health problems among

workers

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. Those who work flexibly would be less likely to feel pressured. They did not tend to feel exhausted or distressed.

Moreover

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, freelance

workers

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had an opportunity to get a higher salary. Free entrepreneurs,

for example

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, could increase their incomes with no limits, compared to permanent

job

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seekers who only have a chance to have pay based on their workplace.

By contrast

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, others viewed

job

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security as more important because it can provide a regular income. An office worker would not be afraid of having a decreased salary as they tend to have a

fixed-income

Correct your spelling

fixed income

show examples

from their office. Ultimately, they are guaranteed by

money

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allowances

such

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as health insurance. Evidence in Indonesia demonstrates that permanent

employees

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will get a

money

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allowance after retirement. It is

also

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widely agreed that a permanent

job

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can give a clearer career path. A hard worker can improve their level, starting from staff to higher level management. To summarise,

job

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security can provide a stable income, long-term

money

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guarantees, and a more obvious career path.

However

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, I believe that

job

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satisfaction would still be more important as it enhanced

workers

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’ flexibility and well-being and encouraged

employees

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to have higher potential

money

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. It is provided that satisfaction-seekers keep their work harder to ensure they have financial opportunities like permanent

workers

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rams212Wed Apr 05 2023

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Coherence and Cohesion

Make sure your essay follows a clear and logical structure. While the main points were presented, the transitions between them could be smoother.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be stronger. Make sure your thesis is clear and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.

Task Achievement

Develop your main points by providing more in-depth analysis and detailed examples. While examples are provided, they need more development to be persuasive.

Task Achievement

Strive to present ideas more comprehensively. Ensure that each paragraph fully develops the point under discussion, which will enhance the clarity of your arguments.

Task Achievement

Incorporate more relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. General statements need to be backed up with concrete evidence to be convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

332 words

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Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others think that people cannot expect to enjoy a job and having a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Your opinion

Are you for or against international trade?

Research shows that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people engage in unhealthy activities. What is the cause of this? What can be done?

Many people believe the Earth’s climate is changing as a result of human activity. What are the reasons for this? What solutions can you suggest?

Some think that printed books are not necessary in the digital era, because all writing can be stored electronically. Others think printed books still play an important role. Discuss both veiw and give your opinion.