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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The internet and technology, like mobile phones and laptops, are connecting us to each other every hour of the day via networking sites and applications. Do you think it’s an advantage or disadvantage? Explain your answer. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

#internet #technology #phones #laptops #hour #sites #applications #it’s #advantage #support
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Nowadays, people use modern
technologies
 and new devices,
such
 as mobile phones and laptops, which help us to keep connected in every moment through social networks and applications. I think
this
 trend has a huge benefit, but at the same ,time it has some downsides. On the one hand, the minor disadvantage is that people can’t control themselves and spend a lot of time on the Internet sitting on their phones or computers so they may lose a connection with real life. Many individuals
work
 using a computer and their free time they spend on their gadgets, but our brain can’t separate it from the working process and it leads to a lack of rest, overwork and tiredness. These consequences are negative causing our health and emotional condition.
For instance
, experts in sociology did research on how our activity on social networks impacts us, and as a
,
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result they came to the conclusion that spending more than 5 hours per day leads to depression.
On the other hand
, new
technologies
 and the Internet have a fundamental benefit in our lives, because now we can
work
 online using only an iPhone or a laptop. These devices can optimize different processes
such
 as copywriting, research information, and connecting with other people, so now we can call or messages at any moment sending pictures, voices and other types of data.
For example
,
that
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after, the pandemic my architectural bureau has started to
work
 remotely and
this
 change positive influence on our company. Without modern
technologies
 and ,gadgets we can’t imagine
this
, because these
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 are a big part of our job. In conclusion, despite that devices, the Internet and computer
technologies
 may have basic negative effects on our lives,
,,,
Change the punctuation
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nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
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 these have significant advantages making
work
 and social life easier and better
Submitted by p.zhukova89 on

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure a clearer logical structure by organizing your ideas and using transition words effectively. Additionally, the introduction and the conclusion could be more focused and strategic.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to convey your ideas more precisely and use appropriate terminology related to the topic.
grammatical range
Work on using a variety of complex sentence structures and ensure consistent and accurate use of grammar throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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