IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that it is better to educate girls and boys in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #girls #boys #schools #benefit
While
 some people have
Correct article usage
a preferance
show examples
preferance
Correct your spelling
preference
preferences
 on
single
Add a hyphen
single-gender
show examples
gender
schools
, others believe there are more positive
influence
Fix the agreement mistake
influences
show examples
 derived from co-education. The former
suggest
Change the verb form
suggests
show examples
 that students are more likely to have better academic performance,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 latter
argue
Correct subject-verb agreement
argues
show examples
 that mixed
schools
 provide
ideal
Add an article
an ideal
the ideal
show examples
 environment for young people to be socialized. First of all,
according to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a survey conducted in the UK regarding the academic performance in different educational institutions, it shows that in
single
Add a hyphen
single-gender
show examples
gender
schools
, young individuals are more likely
cultivate
Fix the infinitive
to cultivate
show examples
 their talents without
affected
Add a missing verb
being affected
show examples
 by
gender
steriotypes
Correct your spelling
stereotypes
.
For example
, there are more girls in
single
Add a hyphen
single-gender
show examples
gender
schools
 who are good at subjects, which are believed that males have more
priviledges
Correct your spelling
privileges
, including
mathmatics
Correct your spelling
mathematics
 or science.
On the other hand
, those who support boys and girls
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 together
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
suggest that compared to
isolate
Wrong verb form
isolating
show examples
 different
gender
 for the acquisition of knowledge, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 to
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 them
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
occation
Correct your spelling
occasion
 to accustomed to working together. On top of that, it will
fosters
Change the verb form
foster
show examples
 youth to show the best side of themselves,
such
 as girls will talk softly and more boys willing to help out in the class.
To conclude
, it is inevitable that there are various merits for different sexs study together,
however
, I tend to agree with the perks of studying in
single
Add a hyphen
single-gender
show examples
gender
schools
 based on the fact that female students
graduated
Correct pronoun usage
who graduated
show examples
 from
such
schools
 are shown
more
Change preposition
to more
show examples
 confident in many aspects, be it handling daily tasks or academic performance.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • educate
  • separate schools
  • mixed schools
  • benefit
  • attending
  • advantages
  • focused
  • tailored education
  • reducing distractions
  • academic performance
  • gender-specific
  • learning needs
  • teaching methods
  • promotes
  • social interaction
  • real world
  • fosters
  • understanding
  • cooperation
  • healthy relationships
  • broader range
  • perspectives
  • experiences
  • combination
  • targeted learning environments
  • encouraging
  • social integration
What to do next:
Look at other essays: