Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent years. What are the primary causes of this? What measures should be taken to reduce childhood obesity?

#childhood #obesity #years #measures

In recent years, the majority of

children

have

Add a missing verb

had a

show examples

massive issue with their weight. From year to

year

Add a comma

,year

show examples

this

case is becoming more significant.

Thus

, the question is

whether

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

what action should be taken to decrease overweight? To start with, plenty of

children

after finishing classes are going to chain stores

such

as Mcdonald or KFC which is a serious problem for their health

as well as

their body. To put it more simply, parents should pay more attention to what their

children

eat during the whole day. It is crucial especially for young adults

due to

the fact that they are in puberty which is caused by

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

rapid and intensive weight gain.

Moreover

, kids really enjoy eating sweets

such

as jelly candies, ice-creams and chocolate bars.

Furthermore

such

food in large quantities causes weight gain and skin problems all over the body.

On the other hand

, the government should provide extra curriculum classes to broaden the knowledge of ingredients and nutritional value of the meals.

This

understanding connected with fitness will definitely reduce obesity among

children

. What is more, PE classes should be more intensive and conducted in a fun

as well as

interesting way.

This

action will cause curiosity among

children

and willingness to participate in

such

activities.

To sum up

, I wholeheartedly believe that

this

above-mentioned statement should not be disregarded. I hope that society will find a way to decrease or even reduce

this

major issue.

Submitted by jula.wierzba on Wed Mar 29 2023

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

241 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Your next door neighbour owns a small dog that barks throughout the day and the night . Write a letter to your neighbour requesting that something be done about the dog . Include in your letter: Your reason for writing What you would like to happen A nice, respectful style