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Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the changes, which took place in a coastal area called Pentland from 1950 to 2007

The diagram below shows the changes, which took place in a coastal area called Pentland from 1950 to 2007
#changes #place #area #pentland
The two diagrams illustrate the development of Pentland, a coastal place after 57 years. Looking at the
overall
 perspective, it is readily apparent that
their
Replace the word
there
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 are were many changes in the field, and building structures were built in the grassland on the lower part. The shoreline, on the uppermost
part
Add the comma(s)
,part
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 was
also
 developed into a beautiful marina. The grassland
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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located in the south
was
Correct word choice
and was
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 replaced by a cinema and shops on the left. of houses can be seen on the right. The industrial field on the Northeast side became a huge multi-storey car parking structure and an oval-shaped swimming pool is connected to a beautifully landscaped place situated on the left. The sea range in the middle was transformed and developed into a marina. Multiple
yacht
Change to a plural noun
yachts
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 was parked in the Bay range. On the opposite side of the
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
bay gorgeous rows of houses were established and more shopping areas below can be seen.
Submitted by lynmarq15 on

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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