IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the changes, which took place in a coastal area called Pentland from 1950 to 2007

The diagram below shows the changes, which took place in a coastal area called Pentland from 1950 to 2007
#changes #place #area #pentland
The diagram below illustrates the different moments, which happen
in
Correct your spelling
inshore
show examples
shore
Correct article usage
the shore
show examples
area
 that name is Pentland between 1950 and 2007
Overall
, it can be seen that the
pentland
Change the capitalization
Pentland
show examples
area
 became
rural
Add an article
a rural
show examples
 country in the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
past but
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 year had been constructed and been
urban
Add an article
an urban
the urban
show examples
 city.
Also
, the
grassland
 had demolished and created many shops,
cinema
Fix the agreement mistake
cinemas
show examples
 and buildings.
Firstly
, by 1950,
teh
Correct your spelling
the
pertland
Correct your spelling
portland
peatland
 the north of the town
was became
Change the verb form
became
show examples
sea
Correct article usage
a sea
show examples
 but by 2007 that was added
Change preposition
to yatch
show examples
yatch
Correct your spelling
yacht
 marina.
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
 north of the east city the industrial
area
 had
replaced
Add a missing verb
been replaced
show examples
 with a swimming pool and a
park
.
Moreover
, the
grassland
 was created
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 multi-store car
park
 , shops and a cinema
build
Replace the word
built
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the east of the city in 2007.
Thus
, the car
park
 was cancelled and replaced the apartments in 2007.
Nevertheless
, the west of the town had been
grassland
 but by 2007 the
grassland
 changed and built a number of
Add an article
the area
an area
show examples
area
Change to a plural noun
areas
show examples
such
shops
Change preposition
as shops
show examples
 and houses.
Secondly
, by 2007 the road stayed unchanged ,
in
addition
Add the comma(s)
,addition
show examples
 the car
park
 had enlarged and been
multi-storey
Add an article
a multi-storey
show examples
park
.
Also
, the sea stayed
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 so added new facilities.
Submitted by vasif.askerlii on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words area, grassland, park with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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