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Band 6.5

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think?

#countries #people #leisure #time #pressure #work #studies
In recent years, it is not surprising that the number of young people in some countries
,
Remove the comma
apply
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 little leisure
time
, and are under a lot of
pressure
 to work hard on their studies. In
this
 essay, I will research the roots of the issue and some solutions to solve it. On one hand, there are several reasons why youth in some countries are studying hard.
Firstly
, the requirements for applying to some universities are getting higher than before.
For instance
, based on the research, 50% of the youth in Japan prefer to learn,
instead
 of hanging out with friends because there are so
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
many homework and case studies that should be done.
Thus
, it takes so much
time
 to catch up
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 materials of learning which are needed by them. The competition between students is
also
 intense among others,
therefore
 they should prepare well and cause a lot of
pressure
to
Change preposition
on
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 them.
On the other hand
, they should concern for their mental health and body, because many academists believe that too much
pressure
 causes the feeling of anxiety and stress for them.
Furthermore
, I believe
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free
time
 is needed in school.
For example
, there is an extracurricular event which should be mandatorily followed by the students,
such
 as camping with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
classmate or dancing classes,
then
 it will reduce the negative effect and enable them to learn how to work as a team. In conclusion, it is understood young generations only have a little spare
time
due to
 academic purposes.
However
, it is believed that to reduce the feeling of
pressure
 and anxiety, there should be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leisure
time
 to take care of their mental health.
Submitted by adimk02 on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • high expectations
  • academic success
  • future success
  • competitive nature
  • modern education systems
  • top grades
  • prestigious universities
  • high-paying jobs
  • rise of technology
  • social media platforms
  • physical activities
  • relaxation
  • extracurricular demands
  • multiple responsibilities
  • economic factors
  • lower-income families
  • part-time jobs
  • academic pressures
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