IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many people not get enough exercise ? What can be done about this problem ?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era,
people
Use synonyms
 are of the notion that
due to
Linking Words
 their hectic
work
Use synonyms
 ,schedules they do not get
time
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 out during the day or even in their free
time
Use synonyms
 which results in serious
health
Use synonyms
 problems.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elucidate the reasons in detail with relevant examples in subsequent paragraphs. To start, individuals prioritise their careers before their
health
Use synonyms
 which can lead to many
health
Use synonyms
 issues. To elaborate, working
people
Use synonyms
 are so engrossed in their
work
Use synonyms
 that they may not have spare
time
Use synonyms
 left to
work
Use synonyms
 out and
due to
Linking Words
 excessive ,workload
people
Use synonyms
 may experience stress which impacts their mental and physical
health
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, individuals might prefer spending their remaining
time
Use synonyms
 with their friends or family
instead
Linking Words
 of investing it in self-care. To exemplify, borderline diabetes is one of the emerging diseases in the age group of 25-35 years.
Thus
Linking Words
, the above example vividly illustrates how getting , and not having enough
time
Use synonyms
 can impact one's
health
Use synonyms
. To address the second question, various steps can be taken to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem
such
Linking Words
 as organizations can arrange fitness sessions for their employees' well-being which would
also
Linking Words
 increase their efficiency to
work
Use synonyms
 more productively.
In addition
Linking Words
, the government can reduce the working hours for both private and public sectors and penalize the organisations that
work
Use synonyms
 overtime.
For example
Linking Words
, in Dubai,
4 day
Correct your spelling
the 4-day
 working week law has been implemented so that the employees can keep their
work
Use synonyms
-life
balanced
Replace the word
balance
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
, the aforementioned reason substantiates how to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 problem. To recapitulate,
people
Use synonyms
 have hectic working schedules
due to
Linking Words
 which they are not able to exercise and spend their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 with their families to maintain their
work
Use synonyms
-life balance. These problems can be solved by taking certain things into consideration
such
Linking Words
 as the companies can organise fitness classes for employees and the government can decrease
work
Use synonyms
 timings for both the public and private sectors.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Address the second part of the prompt more thoroughly, consider providing more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but consider providing a stronger connection between them to enhance coherence.
lexical resource
You have used a range of vocabulary, but consider using more precise and varied vocabulary to express your ideas more accurately.
grammatical range
Your use of grammar is generally accurate, but some sentences could be restructured for clarity and precision. Also, varying your sentence structure can enhance the overall quality of your writing.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: