Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mix schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is a fact that
,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

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the concept of mixed
school
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is a controversial subject in which some people opine that having separate
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools

It seems that school may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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for
both
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gender
Change to a plural noun
genders

The singular countable noun gender follows the quantifier both, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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is more advantageous but
while
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others think the opposite way. In my opinion, I strongly support the mixed
school
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system and I will explain
both
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views with relevant examples.
To begin
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, there are many advantages vested in attending mixed schools.
Firstly
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, it generates equality
among
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the mindset of children.So they have a feeling of social acceptance
each
Change preposition
of each

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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other.
Secondly
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,
while
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studying with girls,boys can enhance their positive attitude towards the opposite sex.
For example
Linking Words

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, the American psychological association point out that, mixed schools cherish more empathy and positive Call existence among
both
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

gender
Change to a plural noun
genders

The singular countable noun gender follows the quantifier both, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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.
Therefore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in the future when they reach
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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adulthood, they can have
good
Add an article
a good

The noun phrase good relationship seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships

It seems that relationship may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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with
women
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Finally
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, it mobilizes social solidarity and reduces inequality and
desparity
Correct your spelling
disparity

If you don’t want desparity to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

among people.
On the other hand
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,in many countries their religious leaders
against
Add a missing verb
are against

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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the idea of
mixed
Add an article
the mixed

The noun phrase mixed school system seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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school
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

system because they are thinking it will against their moral values.
Furthermore
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some
cultural
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cultures

The word cultural doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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believes
Replace the word
beliefs

The word believes doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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that
women
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are only for household work and
upbringing
Correct article usage
the upbringing

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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children
Change preposition
of children

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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,
while
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

men are the central power of society.
Consequently
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,all these cultural identities increased violence among
women
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.To illustrate
this
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, the terrorist group
thaliban
Correct your spelling
Taliban

If you don’t want thaliban to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

attacked Malala Yusaf Khan
during
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the year 2010 because she continued her studies in Pakistan.
According to
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Correct article usage
the thaliban
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thaliban
Correct your spelling
Taliban

If you don’t want thaliban to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

,
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women

It seems that woman may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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are not allowed to educate, whoever
denied
Add a missing verb
is denied

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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they execute them publicly.So in my view,
both
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

men and
women
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are equal and everyone
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has

It seems that the verb have does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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their own opportunity to develop. In conclusion,
women
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are an essential part of society and they have their own capability to bring enormous changes in our society.So as
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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human being our responsibility to accept everyone regardless of their gender.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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