IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that it is not possible to be happy without money, while others think that money does not guarantee happiness. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #money #guarantee #happiness
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Nowadays,
people
 have different opinions on whether finance plays a lead role in happier
life
 or not.
Although
this
 essay considers both sides of
this
 contention notion, I tend to believe that without capital one has to suffer a lot because of the fulfilment of needs
besides
this
 social status. First and foremost, some
people
 including me support the argument that
money
 is very important for a
person
 to lead a good
life
 and believe it is beneficial in terms of currency to fulfil every need and demand of the
person
.
In other words
, with
money
 individual purchase various things which helps them to fulfil their needs namely food, shelter, clothes and spending good quality time with their loved one, despite thinking negative thoughts.
For instance
, the Times published an article in 2017 regarding,the use of cash and how
people
 take treatments, eradicate diseases and live healthier and happier with their families. Moving on, another worth mentioning point is
money
 gives social status to individuals.
This
 is because humans spent a huge amount and enhance their knowledge by taking education from well-recognised universities. Later helps them to make their career by establishing companies. Tim Cooper, from Sheffield Hallam University in the UK,
for example
, points out that
according to
 his research, well-settled
people
 have
happier
Add an article
a happier
show examples
life
 as compared to medium-class
people
 because they struggle throughout their
life
 only for
money
. Shifting to another aspect, another school of thought opposes the concept of
money
 making a
person
 happier. As they may think that
money
 is the root of all evil because
people
 lost every relationship when they run behind on
money
 and forget to spend time with family members and
this
 cannot be ignored
along with
this
 strengthens their viewpoint. In conclusion, the community finds it hard to reach a consensus in
money
 is the main reason behind happier
life
 or not. Despite a few individuals saying that always
money
 does not guarantee a joyous
life
, I tend to favour that with
money
people
 fulfil their needs and grow up through
life
, which automatically makes a
person
 happier
along with
this
 live stressfree
life
.
Submitted by parvinderp93 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic security
  • enriching experiences
  • broaden horizons
  • emotional well-being
  • materialism
  • asset management
  • life satisfaction
  • fundamental needs
  • reduce stress
  • enabling experiences
  • emotional needs
  • accumulate wealth
  • never-ending cycle
  • subjective
  • multifaceted
What to do next:
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