More and more people suffer from health problems caused by a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated by modern medicine. Some people think that a return to traditional medicine is warranted. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #health #lifestyle #medicine

Most individuals presently suffer from health issues which are caused by the modern sedentary

lifestyle

. Modern medical systems are proving to fail in the treatment of

such

diseases.

While

few individuals have an

opinion

that traditional medicine like Ayurveda is more beneficial for the treatment of these diseases. I will present both views and

then

I will give my

opinion

This

To begin

with, Presently most of the population is facing health issues like low energy levels , poor stamina, poor immunity levels

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

sleep deprivation etc. All these are the main causes of poor health among

people

at large.

Although

the modern

lifestyle

is to blame, still

people

are not adopting a healthy

lifestyle

Whereas

some

people

have the

opinion

that yoga

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and

ayurveda

Capitalize word

Ayurveda

show examples

are the solution to all these problems. In India, To cite an example , A large section of society is now following

ayurveda

Capitalize word

Ayurveda

show examples

and yoga to keep themselves fit and healthy.

On the other hand

people

have another

opinion

that exercising regularly and going to the gym , eating healthy food can be the solution to

lifestyle

disease.

However

This

notion does not work in most cases. Problems complaints about Low, and high blood pressure , digestion problems , and lethargy are common symptoms in

people

presently. To illustrate, In the US obesity is a common disease and

people

are not adopting eating healthy meals. burger, pizza and coke diet are the main causes of obesity in the American public.

To conclude

, Most diseases can be treated by traditional medicines . A change in

lifestyle

and following a healthy diet can bring good results.

Therefore

I completely agree with the statement that returns to traditional medicine are warranted.

Submitted by yash334 on Fri Mar 31 2023

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

285 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

health problems
modern lifestyle
modern medicine
traditional medicine
treat
potential solutions
combination
approach

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