IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it is acceptable to use animals in medical research for the benefit of human beings, while other people argue that it is wrong. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #animals #research #benefit #beings
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Nowadays, with the development in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical areas, a lot of
animals
 are used in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical
research
. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
strongly
Change the word
strong
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 discussion that whether using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals
 in medical
research
 for the
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
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 of human beings is
rightful
Replace the word
right
show examples
. From my perspective,
although
 some medical
research
 is brutal for the
animals
,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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it is
necessary
Correct article usage
a necessary
show examples
sacrifice
Add the particle
to sacrifice
show examples
 if we still want to make progress in the medical areas. Some
people
 might
against
Add a missing verb
be against
show examples
 using
animals
 in medical
research
 because they think it is unethical. They believe that
animals
 are
also
 creatures like
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human beings, they can feel things ,
even
Correct word choice
and even
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 have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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emotions
and
Correct word choice
apply
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some
people
 treated their pets as their families, so
animals
 are supposed to
be treat
Change the verb form
be treated
show examples
 as
people
 . But in the end, the
animals
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 still different from us ,and the law defines that
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 life is superior
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to the
animals
’.
For example
,
people
 can kill
animals
 for
self-defense
Change the spelling
self-defence
show examples
 or lack of food ,that’s the right given by law. And in most countries,
people
 feed the
animals
 like cows ,
Correct word choice
and chicken
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chicken
Fix the agreement mistake
chickens
show examples
 ducks for their meats. All
these
Correct determiner usage
this
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 evidence shows that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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animals
 are unequal to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human beings
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first place .
On the other hand
 , some
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
accept the idea
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 putting
Add an article
the animal
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animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 into medical
research
 for
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
 is
also
 reasonable for several reasons. First of all, without
animals
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 involved
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical
research
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
research
Add an article
the research
show examples
 would fail to make progress
because
Add the preposition
ofbecause
show examples
 lack of data
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 experiments.
Although
 there might be some volunteers
Correct pronoun usage
who are
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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willing to take the unpredictable risk of the medical testation, their number is limited and can not conclude concrete results
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
most of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
. Only let
animals
 get involved
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
research
 ,we
are
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 able to gain enough data to make a reliable conclusion in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical
research
. After all, in my opinion , using
animals
 for medical
research
 is essential for the progress of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical
research
while
 sometimes might be cruel to
animals
.
Submitted by yuetongli98 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ethical considerations
  • moral dilemma
  • animal rights
  • alternative methods
  • computer modeling
  • in-vitro testing
  • medical breakthroughs
  • vaccines
  • treatments
  • stringent regulations
  • minimization of suffering
  • humane treatment
  • scientific validity
  • biological similarity
  • applicable results
What to do next:
Look at other essays: