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Band 4.5

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money can make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

#people #life #money
Some individuals claim that financial success is crucial to provide a permanent state of
happiness
.
While
this
 may cause
happiness
 for some, a family or art may be
another ways
Replace the adjective
another way
other ways
show examples
 to acquire a sustainable feeling of being a happy person. What is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 connection between financials and
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 of
happiness
? First of all, rich
people
 can satisfy almost all of their material desires without any struggles which
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
 to their emotional state.
For example
,
people
 experience strong positive emotions when buying a car or travelling.
Secondly
, spectators tend to associate money with success in some work
sphere
Fix the agreement mistake
spheres
show examples
, so
wealthy
Add an article
a wealthy
the wealthy
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 may receive an additional amount of social recognition and feel proud because of that. All of these emotional states may cause a feeling of
happiness
.
However
, there are many other dimensions of life that can make a particular person happy without financial success. Family is the most common example since it is essential for human beings to have a group of
people
 who can support
you
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and provide a feeling of security.
For example
, my wife is always by my side and I know that I can rely on her, so
this
 knowledge makes me happy. Another activity that
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 some
people
 happy is art. When artists are performing at
scene
Correct article usage
a scene
show examples
, they completely lose a track of time and experience
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
life as it is unfolding to them. At these moments they look totally happy to me. The feeling of
happiness
, being
dependant
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on a particular outlook, may appear
due to
 several reasons. Some
people
 need wealth to experience
this
 emotional state
while
 others may find it in their families or in art.
Submitted by korteseg on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
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