In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having ageing population outweigh the disadvantages ?

#countries #people #population #governments #society

In several nations, people have longer ages than before, which became a topic .

This

topic is debatable as to whether

this

condition has merits for the older group or made problems for

government

. I personally believe,

this

would bring about more significant advantages that I will outline in

this

essay. Regarding the drawbacks, it might be said that if an elderly group still existed, the

government

would have a few crucial problems leading to take responsibility in health sector. Fostering a condition that local

government

considers to subsidise the health insurance for the older adults.

For example

: an elderly person who got cronic disease have to be tackled by local hospital for the recovery process.

In addition

, there are several sectors which the

government

focus on not only about the health field but

also

in other,

such

as: education.

However

, we should not ignore various benefits that

this

issue may bring about.

Firstly

, job opportunities with no spesifically capabilities would be developed.

For example

, their abilities to more focused and more accurate will be given some benefits. It might be

also

said that, if the elderly who got retire from their

last

job and they still has a good performance will be able to find new activities preventing Alzheimer cases,

such

as making some handycrafts.

Furthermore

this

souvenir could be a profit for

this

age group and hopefully they could fund themselves.

To sum up

while

the issue seems disadvantageous to some extent, I would argue that the benefits may lead to be more significant.

This

includes better quality of people in the old age period.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Mon Nov 27 2023

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task achievement

Ensure a clear and concise thesis statement is present in the introduction, specifying your position on the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population.

task achievement

Expand on the examples you provide, offering more detailed scenarios or statistics to strengthen your argument and support your points effectively.

coherence cohesion

Develop a clear paragraph structure, with each paragraph containing a central idea supported by explanations and examples.

coherence cohesion

Link your ideas and paragraphs more smoothly using a wider range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions, transition phrases, and referencing words.

coherence cohesion

Work on crafting a conclusive summary that encapsulates your discussion points and reasserts your stance clearly in the conclusion, avoiding the introduction of new ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

267 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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