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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many young people today spend a significant amount of time on social media platforms, which can lead to various issues. What problems can arise from excessive use of social media among youth, and what solutions can be implemented to address these issues?

#people #amount #time #media #platforms #youth #address
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A substantial amount of
time
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 spent on social
media
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 platforms by young individuals can give rise to a range of issues.
As a result
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,
this
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 can lead to psychological issues, yet
this
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 can tackled by setting limited
time
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 and encouraging youth to engage in various
activities
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. The main problem teenagers face
due to
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 the excessive use of digital
media
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 platforms in terms of daily
life
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 and mental health is that they struggle to spend their day peacefully without comparing to others' luxurious lives.
This
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 causes them to daydream about how their
life
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 could have been if they were as wealthy as the influencers they follow and compare themselves with.
As a result
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, they may feel low self-esteem and start hating their social rank,
in addition
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 to blaming their parents for the condition they are in currently.
Furthermore
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, they may suffer from depression and allocate their
time
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 to simply wishing for a better
life
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 overnight, without putting any effort into improving their future and achieving the
life
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 they have always wished for. One effective solution to address youngsters’ psychological problems caused by online social platforms is for parents to impose limitations on phone usage and the
time
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 spent on these devices.
This
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 can be achieved by threatening teens with the loss of things they love,
such
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 as depriving them of certain foods, and
activities
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, or even meeting up with their friends if they exceed the permissible limit set by their guardians.
Such
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 measures could make them reconsider how they use their
time
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 and make the most of it. Another approach parents can take is to engage their children in
activities
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 they are interested in, encouraging them to follow their parents’ guidance and reduce the
time
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 spent online. In conclusion, the excessive
time
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 spent on social
media
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 by young individuals can lead to various psychological challenges.
However
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, these issues can be mitigated by setting
time
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 limits on social
media
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 use and encouraging young people to participate in a variety of other
activities
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Example Enhancement
Use more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, such as personal anecdotes or specific studies/statistics that illustrate the impact of social media on youth.
Coherence Improvement
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next while maintaining a clear link to the main thesis statement. You might improve cohesion by using transitional phrases.
Task Achievement
Effective identification of key problems caused by excessive social media use, such as low self-esteem and depression.
Logical Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the arguments well.
Task Achievement
The proposed solutions are practical and directly address the problems outlined.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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