IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many young people today spend a significant amount of time on social media platforms, which can lead to various issues. What problems can arise from excessive use of social media among youth, and what solutions can be implemented to address these issues?

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Numerous young individuals today invest a large fraction of
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time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
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 on online social
platforms
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, which can cause several problems.
As a result
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, they will suffer from mental health issues and sleep disturbances, but
this
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 can be addressed by encouraging
time
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 management and creating
awareness
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 campaigns. The main problem caused by social
media
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platforms
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 is mental health issues.
In other words
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, excessive use of social
media
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 can cause individuals to suffer from anxiety, particularly when they compare themselves to others online.
Similarly
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, it can
also
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 affect their self-confidence
due to
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 the carelessness of their obligations
such
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 as school homework, religious rituals, and gym. Another main issue is sleep disturbances. Using social
media
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 before bedtime often disturbs sleep patterns, leading to fatigue during the day. Staying up late
scrolling
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and scrolling
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 can reduce sleep quality and lead to bad consequences, namely insomnia, which is popular these days
due to
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 poor sleeping habits. One way to solve
this
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 is by encouraging
time
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 management. Parents can help teenagers set specific
time
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 limits for social
media
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 usage, ensuring they have more
time
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 for productive activities. Youth can use effective methods,
for instance
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, setting a timer lock for social
media
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platforms
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 that will help them notice they have spent more
time
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 than needed
,
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apply
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 because sometimes they spend hours without paying attention. Another effective solution is creating
awareness
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 campaigns. The government can launch public
awareness
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 initiatives to educate teenagers about the risks of overusing social
media
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. In conclusion, overusing social
media
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platforms
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 can lead to mental health issues and sleep disturbances, which can only be tackled by encouraging
time
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 management and creating
awareness
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 campaigns to raise public
awareness
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.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your main points are supported by specific examples and explanations that directly relate to the problems and solutions discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using more linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will help your argument to be more cohesive.
Task Achievement
Try to elaborate further on your points to provide a deeper analysis, which can enhance the overall quality of your essay.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly identifies the problems associated with excessive social media use and presents potential solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of the essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
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