IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

1-In the recent years, television has contributed the most to changing people’s quality of life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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New technological advances invade our life and it contributes to
cultivate
Wrong verb form
cultivating
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 different concepts about our life. Presently,
whereas
Linking Words
 some people intend to watch
television
Use synonyms
 because they help them in relieving their
stresses
Fix the agreement mistake
stress
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, others tend to consider it
as
Change preposition
apply
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a waste of time. In my humble opinion, our minds have been impacted positively and it enhances the quality of our life. on the one hand,
television
Use synonyms
 was one of the most significant inventions in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 few decades.
However
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, some audiences addicted to
television
Use synonyms
 and forgot their daily responsibilities.
In addition
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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obesity rates have been raised in different societies
due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of physical
activties
Correct your spelling
activities
. A prominent example is teenagers who stick to
television
Use synonyms
 without participating in social events
then
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 they end up being obese,
besides
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 it will sabotage their mental health over a long period of time. these examples show the negative side effects of obsession,
thus
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 campaigns should be launched
through
Change preposition
throughout
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society in order to rationalize the usage of
television
Use synonyms
.
on the other hand
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,
television
Use synonyms
 aims to clarify and
boarden
Correct your spelling
broaden
 our perspective.
In addition
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, some
television
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 channels display
a
Correct article usage
apply
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useful content for adults and children.
In other words
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, when they watch it, they can obtain a deep insight
about
Change preposition
into
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 the
universe
Change noun form
universe's
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 facts.
Furthermore
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, they will have a huge background
about
Change preposition
in
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 different fields.
For instance
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,
Discovery
Correct article usage
the Discovery
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 Channel which represents
a valuable information
Remove the article
valuable information
a piece of valuable information
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 about the nature of animals and the living conditions of forests and seas,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will raise new generations of scientists.
Hence
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,
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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it can be said that parents should encourage their children to search for valued
programms
Correct your spelling
programmes
programs
. In conclusion,
After
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this
Linking Words
 essay has shown the advantages and disadvantages of
television
Use synonyms
,it can be said that parents should impose
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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strict rules on their children and keep them from bad habits. I think that spectators should
dispose
Add the preposition
ofdispose
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 the negative impacts of
television
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
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while
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 concentrating on
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
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 ones.

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