IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

1-In the recent years, television has contributed the most to changing people’s quality of life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#-in #years #television #people’s #quality #life
New technological advances invade our life and it contributes to
cultivate
Wrong verb form
cultivating
show examples
 different concepts about our life. Presently,
whereas
 some people intend to watch
television
 because they help them in relieving their
stresses
Fix the agreement mistake
stress
show examples
, others tend to consider it
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a waste of time. In my humble opinion, our minds have been impacted positively and it enhances the quality of our life. on the one hand,
television
 was one of the most significant inventions in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 few decades.
However
, some audiences addicted to
television
 and forgot their daily responsibilities.
In addition
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity rates have been raised in different societies
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of physical
activties
Correct your spelling
activities
. A prominent example is teenagers who stick to
television
 without participating in social events
then
 they end up being obese,
besides
 it will sabotage their mental health over a long period of time. these examples show the negative side effects of obsession,
thus
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 campaigns should be launched
through
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society in order to rationalize the usage of
television
.
on the other hand
,
television
 aims to clarify and
boarden
Correct your spelling
broaden
 our perspective.
In addition
, some
television
 channels display
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
useful content for adults and children.
In other words
, when they watch it, they can obtain a deep insight
about
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the
universe
Change noun form
universe's
show examples
 facts.
Furthermore
, they will have a huge background
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different fields.
For instance
,
Discovery
Correct article usage
the Discovery
show examples
 Channel which represents
a valuable information
Remove the article
valuable information
a piece of valuable information
show examples
 about the nature of animals and the living conditions of forests and seas,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will raise new generations of scientists.
Hence
,
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
it can be said that parents should encourage their children to search for valued
programms
Correct your spelling
programmes
programs
. In conclusion,
After
this
 essay has shown the advantages and disadvantages of
television
,it can be said that parents should impose
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
strict rules on their children and keep them from bad habits. I think that spectators should
dispose
Add the preposition
ofdispose
show examples
 the negative impacts of
television
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
 concentrating on
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 ones.
Submitted by alimohamedsami22 on

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