IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that we should replace old buildings and houses in cities with more modern buildings. Other people think we should protect old buildings. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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In the 21st century, construction industries are ever-increasing. Some people argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 old
structures
Use synonyms
 and homes in towns have to be demolished and new
buildings
Use synonyms
 need to be erected,
while
Linking Words
 others hold the view that
such
Linking Words
buildings
Use synonyms
 should be protected. Both sides of
this
Linking Words
 argument will be analyzed before a conclusion is made. On the one hand,
according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
 some individuals,
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
 of new
buildings
Use synonyms
 has brought
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
many benefits to
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 world.
For example
Linking Words
, these
buildings
Use synonyms
 are designed in
such
Linking Words
 a way that they are resilient to
Correct your spelling
severe
sevier
Correct your spelling
severe
 natural disasters
such
Linking Words
 as earthquakes and flooding.
Consequently
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, the people who live inside will be protected in bad weather conditions. On top of that, most of these constructions adopt sustainability throughout
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 operating life.
Hence
Linking Words
, energy can be utilized well in
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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 premises.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 old constructions are more prone to
collapses
Wrong verb form
collapse
show examples
 and take valuable lives of occupants in natural disasters.
Therefore
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, experts
suggests
Change the verb form
suggest
show examples
to remove
Change the verb form
removing
show examples
 those
structures
Use synonyms
 to ensure the safety of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Meanwhile, there is another group who believes that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 past
structures
Use synonyms
 must be preserved. The underlying reason for
this
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 is,
these
Correct word choice
that these
show examples
buildings
Use synonyms
 represent the nation's uniqueness in construction technology in ancient
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
.
By securing
Change preposition
Securing
show examples
 them will build some
path ways
Correct your spelling
pathways
show examples
 for the country to showcase the precious history they had and that makes foreigners
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
travel
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the country.
For instance
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, take the Eiffel
tower
Capitalize word
Tower
show examples
, even though
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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it is very old so many people come to see it from various countries.
More
Correct article usage
The more
show examples
 the structure
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 older the value of it will be increased.
This
Linking Words
 shows why some are against the destruction of aged
structures
Use synonyms
. In summary,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 both sides have strong grounds for their views.
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 in my opinion, aged erections should be conserved because there are
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 advantages to mankind. Meanwhile,
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 creations
also
Linking Words
 should be built in suitable locations.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention specific modern buildings that are known for their sustainability or resilience to natural disasters.
task achievement
Ensure clarity by refining some of the sentences. For instance, instead of "these buildings are designed in such a way that they are resilient to severe natural disasters," you could say, "modern buildings are designed to withstand severe natural disasters."
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs. For example, use more transitional words and phrases to guide the reader from one point to another, such as "However" or "On the other hand."
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your discussion effectively.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, ensuring a balanced view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • paramount
  • evolutionary journey
  • tangible link
  • fostering
  • sense of belonging
  • architectural beauty
  • economic benefit
  • tourist attractions
  • preservation techniques
  • structural integrity
  • energy-efficient
  • sustainable architecture
  • cultural preservation
  • urban demands
  • contemporary lifestyles
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