These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

An increasing number of
people
are deciding to move away from the
place
they were born and grew up. They usually go for living better conditions or creating a new life.
Although
it seems easy from an objective point of view, it
also
has some drawbacks. One of the main advantages is they can obtain better conditions
such
as good jobs and qualified education.
People
have a chance to evaluate opportunities which they
encountered
Wrong verb form
encounter
show examples
.
Moreover
, comparing opportunities in their cities with the
place
they moved
is
Fix the infinitive
to is
show examples
essential when making important decisions.
For instance
, with the help of
this
comparison,
people
can choose a job which
is fitting
Verb problem
fits
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them or a school whose education is more beneficial.
On the other hand
, there is an obvious disadvantage of moving away from the homeland.
Firstly
, being far away from family and friends is very difficult, especially at first times. Getting used to takes time and it
is felt
Wrong verb form
feels
show examples
like being alone.
For example
, when you want to do some activity you can not do it with pleasure. It reduces your happiness and you can not enjoy it even if you live in better conditions or earn lots of money. In conclusion,
while
there are negative points to moving away to new places, it is generally a chance for
people
. In my opinion, everyone should experience living in a different
place
in some part of their life to have some different opportunities but it should not be forgotten that the best
place
for living
Change preposition
to live
show examples
is the
place
where you are happy.
Submitted by iremsaribass on

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task response
Your essay provides a clear response to the task question, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of moving away from the place of birth. However, consider using more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure, with clear progression from introduction to conclusion. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed to provide a stronger framework for your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • metropolitan
  • migration
  • globalization
  • socio-economic factors
  • traditional norms
  • cosmopolitan environment
  • brain drain
  • assimilation
  • gentrification
  • alienation
  • multiculturalism
  • infrastructure strain
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