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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, government spent large sum of money on the arts, and this is supported by some taxpayers as both why. Other, however, think that this money would be better spent on health and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In some countries,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 invested remarkable
money
Use synonyms
 in the arts and
this
Linking Words
 action
assisted
Add a missing verb
is assisted
show examples
 by many
people
Use synonyms
 who are taxpayers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
this
Linking Words
 investment should be directed to
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 and
education
Use synonyms
 sectors. I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the latter group of
people
Use synonyms
 are more rational than others. Spending
money
Use synonyms
 on
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 rather than
art
Use synonyms
 and music will improve
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
 well-being of society in a long term.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 must be spent the
money
Use synonyms
 of citizens on proper areas. There are different sectors that can beneficial for their community
such
Linking Words
 as
health
Use synonyms
,
education
Use synonyms
, real
estates
Fix the agreement mistake
estate
show examples
, and
military
Correct article usage
the military
show examples
. Investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 system can improve
overall
Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
 and
hapiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society,
however
Linking Words
, only
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 group of individuals can
be benefit
Change the verb form
benefit
show examples
 from
art
Use synonyms
 expenses.
Art
Use synonyms
 serves only
bunch
Correct article usage
a bunch
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 which are highly educated and
represents
Correct subject-verb agreement
represent
show examples
 small percentages of their community.
Governments
Use synonyms
 should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
focus on
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 benefits of their nations. It is true that
art
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 related to each other.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these interests have
synergistic
Add an article
a synergistic
show examples
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 on pupils.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 is
priority
Add an article
a priority
show examples
 compared to
art
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 for parents and educational professionals. Improved
education
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 can be beneficial for
pupils
Change noun form
pupils'
pupil's
show examples
 perspective on life and
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
, even their
art
Use synonyms
 skills indirectly.
However
Linking Words
, without developed
education
Use synonyms
, pupils would be restricted in different areas
such
Linking Words
 as sports, communication, morality, and ethics.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
art
Use synonyms
 provides unbelievable extravaganzas
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
people'
Correct your spelling
people's
show examples
 minds,
although
Linking Words
art
Use synonyms
 is not prior compared to
education
Use synonyms
 and
health
Use synonyms
 sectors. Without concerts or
art
Use synonyms
galeries
Correct your spelling
galleries
, lots of
people
Use synonyms
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
experiences
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their lives.
For example
Linking Words
, even a concert of one popular classical music orchestra can be
detremential
Correct your spelling
detrimental
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's lives. Many
governments
Use synonyms
 already know that fact and supported their citizens, especially students, for intellectual activities like that. From my point of view,
governments
Use synonyms
 should
contunie
Correct your spelling
continue
 to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 on fine
art
Use synonyms
 and music but the budget should be restricted for educational facilities and
health
Use synonyms
 management. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
 sector has
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
 sum of
money
Use synonyms
besides
Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 action
supported
Add a missing verb
is supported
show examples
 by some
tax payers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
show examples
 and
governments
Use synonyms
 as both why. Some
people
Use synonyms
against
Add a missing verb
are against
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 reality and believe that
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 would be spent on
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
. I'm supporting the latter group of citizens briefly.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocate
  • funding
  • cultural heritage
  • attracts tourism
  • fosters creativity
  • innovation
  • enriches
  • quality of life
  • national pride
  • educates
  • historical
  • contemporary
  • societal issues
  • essential services
  • well-being
  • productivity
  • socio-economic development
  • healthier and more educated populace
  • philanthropy
  • taxpayer money
  • balancing funding
  • cultural enrichment
  • populace
  • proportional allocation of resources
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