IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Prevention is better than cure” Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and prevention measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#prevention #cure” #country’s #health #budget #proportion #treatment #education #measures
Always barricading from getting a disease is better than treatment.
Therefore
,
in addition
 to the expenses that are spent in the field of health and treatment, a large amount of budget should be allocated for the prevention of sickness and health training.
This
 essay agrees with these smart and preventive measures. The details will be explained in the following paragraphs. The first reason why
this
 article agrees with prevention
instead
 of cure is that, reducing the rates of infection with pathogens and the death caused by it. So, when enough time is given to recognize an illness,
consequently
, adopting a method that prevents
people
 from contracting it and correct training for
people
 and treatment staff, eventually, leads to less malady and morality.
For example
, appropriate vacuuming is one of the most efficient methods that, depending on the type of virus, can create resistance between 50 to 80 per cent in the body. Of course,
people
 should be trained and forced to use the vaccine on time. The second proof that hampering is better than therapy is a significant reduction in cost and scathes caused by epidemic morbidity. Despite the public perception is deterrent proceedings
such
 as immunization are costly, the prevalence of it has far more harmful expenditure.
This
 includes hospitalization fees, drug production, and import, isolating healthy
people
.
In addition
, many
people
 die from the infection, there is no greater harm than that.
For instance
, in 2014, a science magazine published that 2 million euros were spent on vaccine imports.
This
 money is half of the charge for buying and medicine production. In conclusion,
this
 essay claims, that it is more logical to prevent a loss than to deal with its risks.
Submitted by pouya_mokhtarpour on

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly addresses the topic, but it could benefit from a bit more background information before presenting your stance. This helps to set the context for the reader.
task achievement
While your points are relevant, consider expanding on them to provide a more comprehensive overview. You could demonstrate deeper insight into how prevention directly impacts healthcare costs and societal wellbeing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but transitions between some paragraphs can be smoother. Using transitional phrases helps the flow of the essay and improves readability.
coherence cohesion
Consider reiterating your main points briefly in the conclusion to reinforce your argument. This can provide a sense of closure and completeness to your essay.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear stance and sticks consistently to the topic throughout, which is excellent for maintaining focus.
task achievement
You include specific examples, such as the reference to the 2014 science magazine, which strengthens your argument and demonstrates your ability to reference relevant information.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph addresses a single main point which is well-supported. This organization makes your essay easier to follow and understand.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which frames your argument effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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