IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #university #study #lack #workers #electricians #plumbers
Nowadays many
people
 prefer to go to university to get an academic education ,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 some
people
 argue that there should be more
people
 who are willing to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers
such
 as electricians and plumbers. I partially agree with
this
 argument and I will explain why in
this
 essay. First and foremost, there is a huge number of unemployed
people
 with undergraduate or postgraduate degrees, since most senior-year
students
 choose popular majors like law or business without thinking about demand in the workforce.
For example
, only one out of every five graduated
students
 of law schools is employed within one year in Mongolia.
In addition
, it is becoming common for
people
 to do a job which they did not study for.
Therefore
, schools should provide events which are helpful for
students
 to choose their future majors in collaboration with universities and specific training courses.
For instance
,
students
 can visit the vocational training courses with their teachers to find the courses which suit their interests.
On the other hand
, it is good for the country as long as there are higher educated
people
.
However
, specific qualifications like plumbing or mechanizing are essential for our society. In conclusion, a lot of
people
 are struggling to find a job or they just work in someplace which is not related to their major.
Although
, there is a great demand for a workforce which requires definite qualifications.
Thus
, it would be beneficial for both sides, if more
people
 choose to acquire skills which are fundamental to everyone's life.
Submitted by okhaliunaa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • skilled workers
  • vocational training
  • academic study
  • qualified
  • electricians
  • plumbers
  • technicians
  • hands-on experience
  • job market
  • infrastructure
  • economy
  • unemployment rates
  • consumer spending
  • educational paths
  • job satisfaction
  • societal resilience
  • versatile workforce
What to do next:
Look at other essays: