IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people consider prices as most important thing to think about when buying product (such as cell phone) or service (eg. medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree

#people #prices #product #cell #phone #service #eg #treatment
In today's fast-paced world,
money
 is an important thing in everyone's life.
While
 some
people
 use it as like as water, others spend it
accordingly
 their use. It is sometimes thought that
money
 is an important factor to be considered when buying a mobile phone and receiving medical treatments. In my opinion, I think we should spend
money
 on services and think to spend
money
 when buying products. On the one hand,
People
 need to think
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 spending
money
 on buying products, and it means
people
 are encouraged to concentrate on mobile features rather than the
prize
Correct your spelling
price
show examples
.
People
 ought to buy important things as per their needs, and they should give mobile phones to their children
according to
 their age level.
For instance
, school children have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile phone which has
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 features, and
as a result
, children can focus on
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 rather than the mobile phone. Another advantage of
this
 approach is that parents can use
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
show examples
money
 either
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 medical treatment or save it in the bank.
On the other hand
, I think
people
 should not think
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 spend
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 medical treatment services alone. Physical and mental health are important to
live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 a longer life, and if we are not able to provide enough
money
 to doctors,
then
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might occur some problem in
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 life.
For example
, if patients suffer from
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
dangerous health problems, and if they are not able to think
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 spending
money
 on their surgery,
then
 it might happen that they die in the future.
Therefore
, it is necessary to save some
money
 for medical treatments, and
people
 should
also
 take medical insurance to cover all expenses of medical services. In conclusion,
according to
 me,
people
 ought to concentrate on spending
money
while
 they purchase a product, and they should not think
while
 receiving medical treatment alone.
Submitted by writing7 on

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