IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people consider prices as most important thing to think about when buying product (such as cell phone) or service (eg. medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree

#people #prices #product #cell #phone #service #eg #treatment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's fast-paced world,
money
Use synonyms
 is an important thing in everyone's life.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 use it as like as water, others spend it
accordingly
Linking Words
 their use. It is sometimes thought that
money
Use synonyms
 is an important factor to be considered when buying a mobile phone and receiving medical treatments. In my opinion, I think we should spend
money
Use synonyms
 on services and think to spend
money
Use synonyms
 when buying products. On the one hand,
People
Use synonyms
 need to think
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 spending
money
Use synonyms
 on buying products, and it means
people
Use synonyms
 are encouraged to concentrate on mobile features rather than the
prize
Correct your spelling
price
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 ought to buy important things as per their needs, and they should give mobile phones to their children
according to
Linking Words
 their age level.
For instance
Linking Words
, school children have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile phone which has
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 features, and
as a result
Linking Words
, children can focus on
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 rather than the mobile phone. Another advantage of
this
Linking Words
 approach is that parents can use
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 either
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 medical treatment or save it in the bank.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I think
people
Use synonyms
 should not think
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 spend
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 medical treatment services alone. Physical and mental health are important to
live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 a longer life, and if we are not able to provide enough
money
Use synonyms
 to doctors,
then
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might occur some problem in
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 life.
For example
Linking Words
, if patients suffer from
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
dangerous health problems, and if they are not able to think
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 spending
money
Use synonyms
 on their surgery,
then
Linking Words
 it might happen that they die in the future.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is necessary to save some
money
Use synonyms
 for medical treatments, and
people
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 take medical insurance to cover all expenses of medical services. In conclusion,
according to
Linking Words
 me,
people
Use synonyms
 ought to concentrate on spending
money
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 they purchase a product, and they should not think
while
Linking Words
 receiving medical treatment alone.
Submitted by writing7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: