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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart shows the number of mobile phones and landlines per 100 people in selected countries. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information given.

The chart shows the number of mobile phones and landlines per 100 people in selected countries. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information given.
#phones #landlines #people #countries #report #university #lecturer #information
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The given bar chart depicts the disproportion of cell
phones
 and landlines per hundred
people
 in seven different countries.
Overall
, as can be seen from the chart
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the number of
people
 using mobiles steadily increases from Canada to Italy. ,
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 the amount of
landline
users
 fluctuates. ,
also
 we can see that Italy has the highest number of cell phone
users
although
 it
also
 has the lowest
landline
Correct quantifier usage
number of landline
show examples
users
. Speaking of the first three countries Canada,Us and Germany regarding mobile
users
 they’re right at around 36,58,71 respectively. both Canadian and US folk have a
tendance
Correct your spelling
tendency
show examples
 to use landlines more than cell
phones
.Whilst Germany is the complete opposite the window between mobile
users
 and
landline
users
 is 10
phones
 per hundred
people
 for mobile
users
. On the other, hand the rest four countries Denmark, the UK,Sweden and Italy prefer the usage of mobile
phones
 except for Denmark which has approximately 87
phones
 per hundred
people
. ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
 it is the highest country regarding
landline
users
. In ,comparison Italy's
landline
 is
users
 student 45 despite that it still exceeds the 10 mark in mobile
users
 by around seven
phones
 per hundred
people
Submitted by samiahammadi77 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words phones, people, landline, users with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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