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Band 6.5

Many teenagers now have their smart phones. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion?

#teenagers #phones
In today's technologically sophisticated world,
smartphones
 have a tremendous effect on our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. The smartphone is an integral belonging of
children
 in many countries. Having mobiles has benefits and drawbacks and in my opinion, there are more advantages. I will argue my reasons in the following upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, having
smartphones
 in
this
 age group has two essential advantages. To commence with, there are many applications on these phones that can provide an environmentally appropriate opportunity to learn their school lessons and help them do their assignments
as well as
, clips and videos on YouTube and social media are a scheme for pupils to review and find the obstacles in their lessons.
In addition
,
smartphones
 are crucial devices for communication, to say a few; WhatsApp and email platforms
such
 as
yahoo
Capitalize word
Yahoo
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 and Gmail are fundamental emblems of these applications. Every teenager can use them to access information and change them with their friends and tutors.
On the other hand
,
smartphones
 work
according to
 sending microwave radiation which is hazardous to humans, meanwhile; the Ocular and central nervous systems are the most vulnerable organs. Decreasing visual acuity, convulsions and brain tumours are the main complications
due to
 these radiations.
For example
, a survey conducted in UK primary schools revealed that watching mobile screens for more than 5 hours per day was responsible for a 10 per cent
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
 in convulsions in
children
 between 10 to 15
old-year
Correct your spelling
years
show examples
.
Subsequently
, mobiles have dangerous healthcare consequences for
children
 .
whereas
, by using protective safety shields and restricting the time of usage, the hazard is plummeting. In conclusion,
although
smartphones
 have some disadvantages
such
 as Ocular and CNS complications, their performance as a piece of equipment to increase the accessibility of
children
 to worldwide information and ease of communication makes them more profitable.
Submitted by dr.mansoori41 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the main topic and provides an overview of the essay's ideas. Additionally, make sure to summarize the main points in the conclusion to provide closure to the essay.
Task Achievement
While your response is generally complete and provides clear and comprehensive ideas, it is essential to address both the advantages and disadvantages in more detail. Additionally, provide more specific examples to support your points and ensure a balanced discussion of both the positive and negative aspects of teenagers having smartphones.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Smartphones
  • Instant access
  • Educational apps
  • Enhanced communication
  • Navigation
  • Tech skills
  • Distraction
  • Productivity
  • Inappropriate content
  • Cyberbullying
  • Privacy concerns
  • Overreliance
  • Social skills
  • Double-edged sword
  • Responsibly
  • Mitigate
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