IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The movement of people from agricultural areas to big cities has caused many problems at both places. What are the reasons of this problem and how can it be solved?

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The trend of urban
people
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 moving to big
cities
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 has increased recently.
This
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 phenomenon drives some issues for both parties. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the major reason for
this
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 issue and
also
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 provide some suggestions to solve
this
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 problem.
To begin
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 with, the phenomenon of urban
people
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 relocating to big
cities
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 is based on many reasons.
However
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, the primary reason is the opportunity
of
Change preposition
for
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 jobs. In rural
areas
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, the option to find a job is limited, and the salary is very low compared to
people
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 who live in the city. Mostly,
people
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 who live in rural
areas
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 get wages under the standard minimum region of payment.
Moreover
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,
people
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 who live in rural
areas
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 cannot pursue their desire to achieve their dreams because of the lack of opportunity. Urban
people
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 want to find a better quality of life that they cannot have in rural
areas
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, so they move to big
cities
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.
Furthermore
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, to solve
this
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 problem, the government needs to make regulations to provide rural
people
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 with the same opportunity to find a job as same as
people
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 who live in big
cities
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.
For instance
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, the government can make an agreement with investors to build their company not only in major
cities
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 but
also
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 in some rural
areas
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.
Moreover
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, the company can absorb local
people
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. In conclusion, the trend of urban
people
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 tending to move to big
cities
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 is not a new phenomenon. It has been happening for a long time.
However
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,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 solution is
also
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 available to solve
this
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 problem.

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task achievement
While your introduction outlines the main points, consider providing a clearer thesis statement that directly indicates the main reasons and solutions you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs should ideally contain a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the overall argument. This helps guide the reader through your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Try to include a few more specific examples or statistics that could strengthen your argument about job opportunities in rural areas versus big cities.
task achievement
You've identified a significant issue (job opportunities) and provided a potential solution (government regulations), which is a strong approach to answering the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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