IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

There is a big number of people who wish to live in big cities. Write an essay to an educated reader to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in big cities. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer.

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It is true that nowadays, there are increasingly civilians who want to move to metropolises to settle. From my perspective,
this
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 trend is conducive to a certain extent because of a significant number of job opportunities and a high standard of living. The following paragraphs
would
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will
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 shed light on my viewpoint. On the one hand, opponents of said opinion have their rational grounds.
First,
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urban centres often suffer from overpopulation. To be specific, it lacks space for citizens to live in megacities. To be specific, a significant number of citizens have to live in small houses or rent small flats.
Second,
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the air in metropolises is often polluted. In reality, it is filled with smoke and dirt from various kinds of vehicles
while
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 there are almost no trees.
As a result
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, It has several adverse impacts on the health of individuals.
On the other hand
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, the above arguments are insufficient to overshadow the merits of the topic in question. One justification is that the living quality in urban centres is often far superior to the countryside. Particularly, civilians are likely to have more opportunities to utilize better public services and medical services.
Furthermore
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, children could require knowledge in schools with modern facilities.
In addition
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, it is easier for employees to find jobs. In reality, there are a significant number of enterprises in urban centres.
Therefore
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, the demands for seeking the labour force of
such
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 firms are large. In conclusion, it is undeniable that settling in metropolises has several drawbacks related to inadequate areas.
However
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, the advantages of living quality and careers outweigh the disadvantages.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider refining your introduction to clearly outline the key points you will discuss in your essay. This sets the reader's expectations and enhances clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Try to synthesize your points more smoothly. For example, instead of starting new sentences with 'On the one hand' or 'On the other hand', consider using phrases that connect the ideas more fluidly.
task achievement
Include more detailed examples or case studies to back up your points regarding job opportunities and living standards. This will strengthen your arguments and improve task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
While your conclusion is present, aim to paraphrase some of the key ideas you mentioned in the body of your essay to reinforce your arguments.
task achievement
You effectively introduce the topic and present both sides of the argument, which is commendable as it showcases your ability to understand a balanced perspective.
task achievement
Your ideas on living quality and job opportunities in urban centers are relevant and reflect a good understanding of the advantages of city living.
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