IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some places old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The role of young
people
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inthe
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in the
 community
is
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are
show examples
 extremely vital in some places,
while
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 others think that the elderly are better.
This
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 writer totally agrees with the latter statement
due to
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 old
people
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’s knowledge
as well as
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 contribution to employment. Admittedly, it is understandable to say that the youth take an important role in
society
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. Indeed, the major labour in all countries around the world is the young.
This
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 is because they are still young, which means that they are innovative, passionate and hard-working at work.
However
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,
this
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 line of reasoning is not sound because many youngsters may not have much experience
although
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 they are very creative.
Therefore
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, the elderly who have retired can give some advice to younger
people
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 because they have experienced more than their young counterparts in success and failure.
As a result
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, many young
people
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 can improve their skills properly depending on the elderly’s useful advice.
Moreover
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 , many old
people
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 spend most of their life on dedicated to
society
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.
Thus
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, the elderly should be respected and valued by the young ones for what they have done for the public.
As a consequence
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, the government should invest a huge amount of money in enhancing medical services like building many buildings just for old
people
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 to rest and improve their health.
This
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 brings many opportunities for the young to have a job in a
society
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 where many
people
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 are unemployed by taking care of the elderly,
for instance
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. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that young
people
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 have a predominantly effect on
society
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, but the older ones should be respected as they have much experience to share with younger
people
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 and bring chances for them to have a job.

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introduction
Ensure the introduction clearly outlines the essay structure and addresses both views before stating your own opinion. Try starting with a general statement about the topic before narrowing down to the specific views and your stance.
paragraph structure
Improve paragraph structure by starting each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the paragraph's main idea. Follow this with supporting details, examples, and a concluding sentence that links back to the essay question.
coherence
To enhance coherence, use a wider range of linking devices to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively. Words like "Furthermore", "Moreover", "Consequently", and "As a result" can be used to add coherence.
supporting examples
Support your arguments with more specific examples and details. General statements should be accompanied by concrete examples to strengthen your argument.
conclusion
In the conclusion, restate your opinion clearly and summarize the main points from both views. Make sure the conclusion is a concise closure to your essay, without introducing new ideas.
grammar & punctuation
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation errors to enhance the clarity of your writing. Proofreading your essay can help identify and correct these mistakes.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of knowledge
  • esteemed
  • insights
  • embedded
  • seeking advice
  • prioritizing
  • premium on innovation
  • dynamism
  • adaptability
  • technological advancements
  • entrepreneurs
  • pioneers
  • indispensable
  • stability
  • harmonious
  • progressive
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