IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many students take part-time jobs whilst studying in a university. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Youngsters seek opportunities to gain more money by taking a part-time
job
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 studying in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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college. They
work
Use synonyms
 in distinct types of jobs,
such
Linking Words
 as becoming a waitress and a cashier.
This
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 is not a new thing and has been happening for decades.
However
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, there is a heated argument on whether
this
Linking Words
 situation provides more benefits or more negative aspects for the student.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain both advantages and disadvantages impact
along with
Linking Words
 my own perspective and relevant examples.
To begin
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 with, some students have massive education loans and didn't come from wealthy families.
Therefore
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, student needs to earn money by doing a part-time
job
Use synonyms
 to cover their living expenses.
In addition
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 to that, it allows students to develop excellent time management since they have to juggle between
work
Use synonyms
 and courses.
For example
Linking Words
, they spend most of their mornings at the university and
then
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 at a restaurant for 2-3 hours.
Secondly
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, early exposure to the
work
Use synonyms
 environment is beneficial for youth, considering they have to be responsible and professional at
work
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, even though it is not a full-time
job
Use synonyms
, it requires a couple of hours.
Hence
Linking Words
, undergraduate juniors might not
capable
Verb problem
be capable
show examples
to take
Change preposition
of taking
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 extra classes at college.
This
Linking Words
 prevents them to learn more and
graduate
Wrong verb form
graduating
show examples
 faster.
For instance
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, most people who
work
Use synonyms
 and study at the same time often graduate later than their peers.
However
Linking Words
, I believe
this
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 shouldn't affect students who can manage their time well. In summary, despite the fact that there is a possibility of graduating past the timeline because of working a part-time
job
Use synonyms
, the advantages outweigh the negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 by two points. The two points are
student
Correct word choice
that student
show examples
 makes more money and can live a pretty decent life
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it helps them in the development of their professionalism.

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task response
Have a clear plan with a strong view in the introduction and a clear restatement in the conclusion.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show how ideas connect and keep a steady order.
examples
Give more precise examples that fit the point you make and explain how they support it.
language
Check grammar and spelling to make your meaning clear and easy to read.
structure
The essay tries to discuss both sides of the topic.
content
There is a clear final idea that the writer has a view.
content
Some good points on money need and time mange-ment (note: time management) and early work life.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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