All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects better for children's future.

#parents #opportunities #children #people #schools #skills #range #subjects #future

Some people argue that

schools

should teach

children

skills

however

Add the comma(s)

,however

show examples

, as for others having a variety of

subjects

is better for

children

's future. I strongly believe that

these

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

both sides are beneficial for them. And attend to one course would be great. In the first place, it is right,

schools

should teach

children

skills

with a range of

subjects

to be well-informed, well-educated, and

also

well-independed

Correct your spelling

well-independent

pupils. First and foremost,

schools

should provide students with extra activities, and courses

such

as English, math, and

also

physical activities.

Furthermore

, teachers should be

well-informed

Correct your spelling

well informed

show examples

This

is because they teach

children

and they must be second parents

for

Change preposition

show examples

pupils. What is more, parents want the best opportunities for their kids to be good-knowledgeable

Change preposition

show examples

schools

Moreover

, they think that all of the

children

skills

and upbringing

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

depend

Replace the word

dependent

show examples

on teachers and

schools

On the other hand

, some parents think that having a variety of

subjects

is important for

children

's future. Of

course

Add a comma

,course

show examples

it is true.

This

is because nowadays all of the

subjects

depend on each

others

Change to a singular noun

other

show examples

to get into

universities

Fix the agreement mistake

university

show examples

for students.

Besides

, studying a range of sciences is beneficial and it can provide students with high-level knowledge.

Furthermore

, it might create

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

different

kind

Fix the agreement mistake

kinds

show examples

of jobs for them.

However

, at

present

Add a comma

,present

show examples

some people assume that study

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

should decrease

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unnecessary sciences.

This

is because they might be challenging for them.

Therefore

, it can develop their

skills

and would be perfect.

To sum up

personally

Add a comma

,personally

show examples

I think

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

both sides are good.

However

, studying

Remove the article

apply

show examples

one subject is more important for pupils.

Submitted by omondavlat91 on Tue Apr 04 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects better for children's future.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

you are unhappy about a plan to make your local airport bigger and increase the number of flights. You live near the airport. Write a letter to your local newspaper. In your letter Explain where you live Describe the problem Give reasons why you don’t want this development.

In some countries,it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age.Is this a positive or negative development?

In some cultures,older people are valued most highly. In other cultures,youth is value more than experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion as to which age should be most valued.

In many corporations around the world there are fewer women than men in some management positions, and many people believe that this has created inequality in the workplace. Discuss the reasons why this is? How can we solve inequality in the workplace?