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Writing Samples
Band 8

More and more people are buying things on the internet like air tickets, books and groceries making online shopping more popular with every passing day. Does the advantages of such shopping outweighs the disadvantages?

#people #internet #air #tickets #books #groceries
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In
this
 era, the majority of people tend to buy
things
 online,
such
 as tickets, books and groceries,
as a result
,
this
 trend makes
e-commerce
 more popular. I believe that the advantages of
such
 shopping outweigh the disadvantages. On the positive side, I believe that buying products on the Internet will save us time and energy because we can buy our needs with just one click. Nowadays,
e-commerce
 provides almost all the
things
 we need,
such
 as clothing, books, groceries, mobile phones, etc, and we can buy them without leaving our homes.
For instance
, when I prepared dinner for my family, I forgot that my onions were out of stock, so I ordered them on grab and fortunately, the onions arrived in less than 20 minutes.
Finally
, I can serve the meals on time, because
e-commerce
 makes it easy to get what we need quickly.
Additionally
, now, some
e-commerce
such
 as Shopee and Tokopedia offer a pay-later feature,
therefore
, we don't need to worry if our balance is insufficient.
On the other hand
, there are some disadvantages, sometimes the products in online shops lack information, primarily about the
size
 of clothing. As we know, we can not try on clothes when we buy them online,
consequently
, sometimes the
size
 does not fit our
size
.
For example
, when I bought a skirt one Shopee
last
 week, the
size
 didn't fit, so I gave it to my sister.
Although
 some
e-commerce
 offers free returns, the process is complicated, we must record unboxing videos and sometimes we forget to record them because we are too excited about the new
things
 that we buy at online shops. In conclusion, I believe that the benefits of buying
things
 on the Internet outweigh the consequences.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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language
Ensure consistent verb agreement throughout the essay to enhance grammatical accuracy. For example, the sentence "the size does not fit our size" can be improved for clarity.
coherence
When discussing online shopping or e-commerce, avoid repetition by using synonyms or restructuring sentences. This will make your writing more engaging and demonstrate vocabulary range.
introduction
The introduction clearly presents the topic and provides an opinion, setting a strong foundation for the essay.
structure
Each paragraph is clearly dedicated to a single main point, making the essay easy to follow.
examples
Real-life examples, such as the onions delivered in less than 20 minutes, effectively support the points made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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