IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Social media badly impact our relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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in
this
Linking Words
 contemporary epoch, social media play a major role in every aspect of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In fact, some people even say that it affected negatively the bonds between individuals. My personal position strongly agrees with that claim,
therefore
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, in
this
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 essay, my supporting points will be provided
along with
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 relevant examples. First and foremost, people, nowadays,
give
Verb problem
pay
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 less attention to conversations. In fact,
while
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 screens absorb all the focus
due to
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 high entertainment content, little words or phrases are being said.
In other words
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, we communicate and express ourselves less in comparison with two decades ago.
Moreover
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, the concept of having fun implies being surrounded by friends or family and doing enjoyable activities,
whereas
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, today, sharing pictures or videos, liking and following all alone behind a smartphone,
became
Wrong verb form
become
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 the most enjoyable thing to do rather than spend time with people.
Secondly
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, In spite of many benefits that arise from social media, the education of children was hit significantly. Kids these days suffer to communicate since their environment
paid
Wrong verb form
pays
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 little attention to
this
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 matter. To elaborate, many students struggle to express themselves in a classroom with their peers or their teachers because being able to converse is something that needs to be taught at an early age
however
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, parents prefer giving their offspring their phones to enjoy digital content.
To sum up
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, even though social media are a daily compound in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, I personally believe that
this
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 amazing technology got out of hand, and the consequences upon our relationships are clearly seen.

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task response
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the prompt and presents a convincing argument. However, it needs to provide a more balanced view and consider counterarguments to strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion due to the disorganized structure and abrupt transitions between points. The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more developed.
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