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Band 6.5

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities. Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #ages #responsibilities #school #life
In the modern day, several individuals think that
children
 of all ages should have additional responsibilities
while
 others argue that, outside of
school
, youngsters should be free to enjoy their life. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both notions and explain why I agree with the latter.
To begin
 with, there are some reasons why
children
 should take on extra responsibilities when they finish studying at
school
 in a day.
Firstly
,
children
 should help with household chores. Not only
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 their parents who feel very tired after a long
time
 working in a company or an office, but it
also
 improves their household skills.
Furthermore
, in a wealthy family, some parents have their own businesses, and their offspring can come to work during their leisure
time
 to gain more experience
for instance
.
In addition
, it is
also
 a way to prepare for their future to become inheritors of that company. It can be seen clearly that these can help the young to be more responsible and mature. Despite the above, I suppose that
children
 should use their free
time
 after
school
 to explore their strengths. At
school
, they are already restricted because they
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
only study something in a book or what their teacher says. So the
time
 after
school
 is the best
time
 for them to have a chance to discover and reach their potential.
For instance
, they can try different sports from football to badminton or learn new skills like dancing or skiing that are suited to their interests and capabilities. In conclusion,
although
children
 may gain some potential ability with added responsibilities, they will grow up better with more freedom outside the academic environment.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

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task response
The essay provides a clear response to the task and addresses both views effectively. However, to improve task achievement, provide more specific and relevant examples to support the ideas.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is sound, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, to enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that the supporting points are more closely linked and follow a clear progression.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses a variety of words and phrases effectively. To strengthen the lexical resource, try incorporating more sophisticated and precise vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely.
grammatical range
The essay displays a good command of grammar and a range of sentence structures. However, to improve grammatical range, vary the sentence structures further and pay attention to more complex grammatical forms.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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