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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#wealth #guaranty #happiness
We're living in an era where
people
 need some main requirements to be happy
all
Change preposition
in all
show examples
over
Change preposition
apply
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the
stage
Fix the agreement mistake
stages
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 of life. A great number of
people
 opinion that having a lot of money
created
Wrong verb form
creates
show examples
 some problems in their personal and professional
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. From my point of view, I agree with these statements and will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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why I
am supporting
Wrong verb form
support
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this
 proposal. I believe that wealth is important but being
a
Correct article usage
the
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 richest is very risky, they cannot go outside easily in public places for the reason that afraid of
stolen
Wrong verb form
stealing
show examples
 some
expansive
Correct your spelling
expensive
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 things
also
yearly paid
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
 a
hug
Correct your spelling
huge
show examples
amount
Change preposition
of
show examples
taxes to the government and need to be
show
Wrong verb form
shown
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 legal investment which is mandatory. In their office and company environment high risk of
face
Replace the word
facing
show examples
people
make
Correct pronoun usage
who make
show examples
 a faith promises. Another result of having a
hug
Correct your spelling
huge
show examples
amount
 of money is fear of losing it. Rich
people
 receive
treats
Correct your spelling
threats
show examples
 from different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of robbers and
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 afraid
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 any fake news in
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
 and social media to avoid all these things they
ready
Add a missing verb
are ready
show examples
 to pay
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 them. As per the crucial rule being
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 richest person they cannot sleep peacefully at night
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 they think
how
Change preposition
about how
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 to hide all the assets from the government and media.
At
Change the preposition
In
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 the end, I personally feel that
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
amount
 and lots of
propriety
Change to a plural noun
proprieties
show examples
, shares ,
investment
Correct word choice
and investment
show examples
 bring some difficulties in
personal
Correct pronoun usage
my personal
show examples
 life and
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 totally
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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 of happiness. Rich
people
 earn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money easily but living with
Correct article usage
a peacefully
show examples
peacefully
Change the word
peaceful
show examples
 mind and with lots of happiness
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 not possible.
Submitted by styagi35 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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